Relationships, Uncategorized

Back together

Yes, Mona and I have done a ton of negotiating and have decided to work on us,  that the relationship is greater than our personal faults.

We’re not perfect people but we are just fantastic together so we’re back and better than ever. 

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Money, Relationships, Uncategorized

Do you know how much money your spouse makes? 

So when dating Mona,  we talked money. We had to when it became known that I was not well off and was irresponsibly burning through savings. 

Very open as to what the other made.  Especially me. She has her own business with a part in cash so I now suspect the very even, rounded number that she gave is a lie. But me, I’m salaried. So $x=$x.

But I was talking to my cousin Paul about money. Not how much he makes, its none of my business, but if he knows how much his wife, Becky, makes and vice versa. I would think so…

HOWEVER… he said he does not and she does not. They are very financially separate, even in knowing the others incomes.

I realize that many married couples still keep separate books, but is that common among married couples to not even know how the other is doing, as long as they are covering the expenses they’re responsible for? I would think secrecy like that in a marriage would be detrimental, no? 

Relationships, Uncategorized

Well, we finally broke up

I know, I know… many of my blog friends weren’t fond of my now-ex-gf Mona- my blogs about her were always about the bad stuff, not the good stuff.

Last night, she texted that she was feeling overwhelmed so we go on the phone. Her schedule has her work late 3 days a week and she can’t monitor the kids homework, doing all the stuff that she and her ex did together she now has to do alone. She’s having a hard time. I get that. 

And… the call with her came in the middle of me working late. After 23 minutes, it sounded like she was was settling a bit, it was already past 11pm, so I thought that was a good opportunity to let her go and let me get back to work. 

She lost it. Then I reacted and got angry that she got angry and she hung up. 

She was mad today, we texted a bunch and she wanted to talk tonight. 

Tonight we spoke. Not really about last night, but about how things haven’t been great for some time. Of course all my faults. It’s still me and my career not being where she’d like it to be so she wouldn’t feel like a sugar mama.

She also doesn’t see me helping in the house, cleaning up after meals, taking the kids places. This is because I pretty much keep a dirty apartment when I’m on my own. 

She requested we take “a break.” I said it’s no use,  because things won’t change enough, fast enough to make a difference, so taking a break is like kicking the can down the road. 

That took her back. She wasn’t prepared for a permanent break up. 

(Sigh)

Since then, she texted with a “refuse to give up on each other” meme, shocked that I’m not fighting for her. What does that look like?  Saying I’ll be the man she wants me to be? That means she doesn’t love me NOW.

I get it, we put in 2 and 1/2 years. There were lots of great times. Hard to throw away an investment. 

Butt honestly, I’m done with her drama. Enough is enough. I’m spent. 

movies, Relationships, Uncategorized

I can’t afford a relationship

Backstory, I’m on a budget. An actual one. I have $x for rent, $y for credit card bills,  $z for spending on gf activities etc.

And lately, it’s been tested, bent and broken. 

Two weeks ago, Oct 7, Mona wanted to go out with her friend as a couple. She also had play tickets for this past weekend, Oct 21, with a friend but wanted to meet up with me and other friends for a dinner afterwards. One that I would pay for (for our share) . 

Now, if the dinner with the friends Oct 7 was going to be expensive, then the dinner on Oct 21 woundn’t’ve been possible $-wise.

As Oct 7 approached, we tried to target a “casual” (see “cheaper”) restaurant and made a reservation but the day of that all went down the crapper because Mona and her friend didn’t think it was a nice enough place. Ultimately, we would up at a hibachi-sushi place. Mona and I decided that my November spending was going to be lite due to my birthday and I could transfer funds to October. So we proceeded. 

Her friends do well and didn’t hold back ordering, why would they? And had some alcohol too.

The bill came and…  they decided to pick up the whole check, appreciative that we’d go east out east in Long Island.

Ok, swallow my pride, accept it. But now I have enough for dinner on Oct 21 after meet Mona and friend after they see a play. 

However, Oct 20th arrives and the friend who had the other ticket was really sick and couldn’t go.  And Mona wouldn’t go alone and didn’t want her friend to waste her money. So Mona bought her ticket and took me instead. Hello Dolly! with Bette Midler. Wasn’t crazy about the story but the acting, singing, songs were top notch. David Hyde Pierce  (Niles from the TV show “Frasier”) was in it too.

I can’t afford it, but I’ll take it as a gift in a pinch. 

But that created more drama. 

We had lunch in Manhattan first.  I told Mona to pay for that and I’d cover the LIRR train ticket.  That meant I had to borrow a little from November but not much. I wasn’t comfortable borrowing any more from November.

Lunch was great. We go into CVS for some toiletries. My Mona budget is done at that point, so I ask Mona to pay for her share. 

And she loses it. 

She paid probably $150 for the ticket. I didn’t have to pay her back but I couldn’t lay out $15 for lotion and floss, regardless of where it came from?

Yes, of course I could but in the moment I was trying to honor my budget, thought she’d appreciate that. Plus my brain was fried from all this budget talk about what I had and didn’t. Plus, just the fact that it was toiletries threw me off. Seemed like an odd thing to treat my gf too. Me overanalyzing again.

So there we were, arguing as we walked through Times Square. Yes, the Naked Cowboy is now well aware that I’m on a budget. She was crying too. A textbook shitshow.

We got over it for the rest of the day, the play and dinner were great… but I think this’ll break us. My money situation isn’t changing fast enough to move us forward and she doesn’t know how to deal except put more pressure on me.

I’ve been applying and interviewing but I’m starting to get numb. 

That’s not good.

Relationships, Uncategorized

We started farting in front of each other. No turning back now. 

So Mona had a slight stomach bug this weekend, and yes, it gave her more gas than normal, and she couldn’t hold back. 

Granted, she wasn’t waving it in my direction, smiling in anticipation. Not yet, anyway. She still walked away but occasionally, hey, it’s kind of unavoidable. People have gas.

We’re practically at 2 and 1/2 years and it’s finally out of the bag. And throw in some conversation about bowel movements too. Nothing too graphic, but we joke that it will GET graphic.

The way Mona talks, it’s such a relief to get this out of the bag. Like she has a nuclear reactor in her trunk and now she can lay waste to the area. 

Hopefully it won’t get like that. There were a lot of Dutch Oven references, but nothing so bad so far.

I’m used to fart humor with the guys and family, but I never have with a woman was in a relationship with. In a way, it’s a huge step. It’s also a way different side of non- related women than I’ve ever seen first hand. I suppose it had to happen eventually. We’re all human. 

And of course, it’s not like the smell of flowers emanates from MY lower region, I got game as well. Truth be told, whenever I see her I take at least one Gas X tablet to keep my toxicity in check. I think still will. 

Anyway, I’m sure you really wanted to read about that. Enjoy! 

Car, Uncategorized

I accidentally tested my neighborhood’s safety and, thankfully, it passed

Ok, I’m a dope. A BIG dope.

I live in Brooklyn NY in a good area. I wouldn’t call it. Most of it is crowded middle class and some less crowded nicer parts. Still, I always feel safe, walking around. Sure, my car got broken into a whiles ago, but overall it’s a good place to live. 

And a good place to be a dope.

So parking isn’t easy, I live in an apartment building so I depend on parking on the street, I don’t have a driveway. As since there are many of us like that, it’s really crowded. Sometimes I have to park a block or two away. And I did last Tuesday. 

But… I didn’t have to go to my car until Saturday. So on Saturday, I walked two blocks to my car and…

THE WINDOW WAS OPEN!

Wait, was it broken? I turned the car on, went to raise the window… And it raised. 

Waitaminute… I parked the car and walked away with a window open? Ugh! Come on, Rex, get it together! 

I looked around my car, everything seemed to be in place. There was some water just inside the window, I don’t think it officially rained in that timespan but it certainly misted and dewer quite a bit and it accumulated. 

Believe it or not, as I walk away from my parked car, more often than not walk back from half a block away to make sure closed the windows. 

I guess the one time I didn’t go back I really needed to.

Well, nobody took anything from my car. Go, my neighborhood! Thank you for being safe! 

Life, Money, Uncategorized

Facing the hard financial truth

So many months ago my therapist recommended I put myself on a budget and keep track of every expense. I downloaded an app and started: 

$27 groceries, write it down. $18 gas, write it down. $57 dinner with Mona… You get the point. 

And I did diligently. For about 3 weeks. Ugh. Story of my life. Inconsistency. So for the past 4 months or so, I’ve been writing half my expenses down and trying to moderate the rest of my spending. Which means I’ve been half-assing my budget.

Now I haven’t been spending extravagantly. I’ve been eating home a lot more. Spending more nights in, seeing fewer friends out, if at all. 

And yet, my savings is still going down, even with my second job (some months I didn’t put that towards my credit cards but towards my savings yet it still has gone down. )

Truth be told, my budget is tight and any extra expenses hit my savings. $200 in gifts for 2 cousins’ baptisms? From my savings. $500 deductible from a car accident? From my savings.  $600 dental work? From My savings. My therapist went up an extra $55 every 4 weeks? From my savings. Over the months, non-expected expenses adds up.

And honestly, putting $1000-$1400 a month towards my credit card was overly ambitious, but I can’t stop now. My debt is at only $1,900 now. The goal is in sight. I’ll be done by December 1. 

So this month, I re-dedicated myself to tracking my expenses on my app. And to make it easier, I text the expense to myself immediately. For some reason, entering into an app right when the expense is incurred is a chore, but texting is easy. So I send myself a text and enter it into the app later.

And boy, I can see where my money is going. Food is going to be a problem with the amount have allotted. It’s only Oct 5 and I have less than $100 left. For the MONTH. 

(This food expense is for me alone. Anything that involves Mona has its own budget.)

I’m playing the responsible and dependable game and I am going to make this work. My friends are asking for a night out. I do have a budget for my own stuff, which has taken a hit already ($50 Dr copayment, $22 movie, $40 home supplies.) I may have to push the dinner to November. Or just pass on it. I do have a budget for saving $27 every week. I’ve touched it often but now I have over $100 in it. I don’t want to use it. 

Honestly?  I had no business starting dating Mona. Or getting a new car lease in Sept 2015. But here we are.

This is a hard time in my life. I gotta keep my nose you the grindstone and make the tough decisions. That and be serious about making more money. 

And KEEPING more money.