Category: Relationships

Relationships

My Debt is 71% Gone

Posted on by GratuitousRex

Oh yeah, baby! You read correctly. 71%… of the original $19,500… gone! I started working on paying it off in October 2016. 

In all honestly, I could eliminate the rest of it right now but my savings would take a hit. 

How have I been pay it off? Well, I used $3k from my savings. And about $2k from my tax return. On top of that, $1k every month from my day job plus most of the $ from my side job taking external pics of real estate on the weekends. 
 

Honestly, I did owe a ton to my therapist, Sheila. She helped put a fire under me, got me on a budget and pushed me to transfer a good chunk of the debt to 0% cards.

AND she pushed me to get my second job.

Now, ok, those are not what I think of when I hear “therapy.” I mean, I knew 0% cards and side jobs exist in theory but… I still wasn’t getting any before seeing her. So would every therapist have made the same suggestions? Possibly. I wouldn’t think the Master’s of Social Work program covers debt consolidation. I’d think this is more Common Sense that I was lacking. Which I guess is a big reason to see a therapist. 

As you may remember, my reason for seeing Sheila in the first place was because my gf Mona mandated it:

A. Because Sheila’s engrained in Mona’s life, especially dealing with her kids. Sheila has power to approve or veto suitors for long term potential.

B. Sheila knows Mona’s life in general and can help me navigate that world. 

C. She’s really good and can give me a kick on the ass when needed. 

D. I’m 44, single, don’t make even close to a lot of money, until 42 years old my longest relationship was 6 months. So yeah. Therapy couldn’t hurt. 

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Relationships

She Can’t Even Fake It On Text? 

Posted on by GratuitousRex

So ok… something’s up with Mona. When I asked her how she was or what’s up she texted “eh” a couple times but didn’t elaborate. If it was about her kids, her ex-husband or whatever, she’d say so. But silence leads me to believe that it’s about “US.” There were no exclamation points to her good night texts like normal. No excessive emojis.

(Cue dramatic organ music) 

I asked her if she wanted to speak. She said no, she wanted to go to bed. 

Ok I won’t push it at 11:30pm. Truth be told, I didn’t want to speak. I had an alcohol-involved company outing this afternoon and picked up a couple more on the way home, so I’m buzzed… but silence and just an “eh” is never good. The thing is…

COULDN’T MONA JUST HOLD IT UNTIL WE COULD DISCUSS WHATEVER SHE HAS ON HER MIND?!

I mean really. I’ve never been in another long term relationship in the age of texting (or in any other age) but do women really drop turds in the middle of rooms and just walk away like that? 

I know my female blog readers are perfect,  but come on….

Opinions? 

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Friends, Relationships

This Weekend and My Relationship

Posted on by GratuitousRex

So remember when my gf Mona told me that she didn’t want to see me this weekend because she thought she wasn’t my priority because I wanted to go to my friend’s guys-only birthday party on Saturday night which was supposed to be me and Mona’s night? 

And that, after getting nowhere arguing with her, a joint therapy session was scheduled? 

And it turns out she wanted to go to a mud run on a day that she and I were supposed to see each other but I didn’t want to do it? 

Well, as of Saturday morning, she couldn’t give a rat’s ass about my going to my friend’s birthday party because now she has a thing she wants to do without me.

Which makes her a HYPOCRITE.

We were arguing with the therapist, not each other. 

Damn that was so weird how she switched to my side of the argument so quickly. I SO want to call her out on it- make sure she’s well aware of how she changed her mind once she had a vested interest but couldn’t care less when I was the only person with a stake in it.

Now, I know some of ny blogpeeps now have more ammunition against Mona, and would think I should proceed with such a confrontation. 

I also believe there are a few out there who would say “what would you gain by rubbing her nose in it and being righteous?”

Look, the way she is can be difficult at times.  She can be selfish, headstrong and attention-hungry. But she’s also fun, energetic, exciting, driven, focused, funny, fun, vulnerable, brilliant, clever, zany, sassy, bold.

We’ve all got our stuff. Some may think I’m being too accepting. I don’t know, it doesn’t feel like it, doesn’t feel like she’s going against any of my non-negotiable “terms.” Yes, we have ups and downs but far too many ups. 

Onward! 

PS… My friend Darren’s guys-only surprise party was ridiculous fun. Only one guest didn’t show up who said he would (which is WEAK)… but we had such a good time. Loud, obnoxious fun. Went through 36 beers or so, tons of chips, endless tales of old times. 
A friend even brought over DJ equipment, including an amp, smoke machine and a light -orb thingy. 

I even brought my tobacco pipe just to be different (we hung in his yard for a bit.)

Three of us crashed over the house. It was there or crash in our cars. 

Good times. 

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Relationships

“VENGEANCE IS MINE!” says Rex!

Posted on by GratuitousRex

Ok so today I get a text from my gf, Mona, asking me if I wanted to do one of those mud runs with her. My response? 

She’s been doing Crossfit and is in good shape now. Me? Not so much. My exercise time is nil due to Mona, my job, working late every day and my side job. 

“But you have 7 weeks to train?”

Look. I’ve attempted one of these things once and went in unprepared and I got my ass handed to me. Plus, I just don’t want to do it. 

Ok fine. Mona can go with her Crossfit buddies. BUUUUUUUUT, it’s on a day that she and I are normally together so she won’t go because she won’t sacrifice our time. 

“Mona, not seeing you that week will be bad, but please go. You really want this. Just go. We’ll deal with it.”

“No, no, no…. our time is important to me.” 

Oh good effing grief, woman. I decided to get the Mona Whisperer involved: her therapist, Maria. I texted her. She called Mona. Long story short, we’re having a joint session on Saturday.

A HA! The glove’s on the other foot now! Just yesterday we argued about ME doing something this coming weekend that I really want to do but it takes away from our time. Now SHE wants to do something on our day.

So yeah, Mona has since calmed down about seeing me this weekend. This weekend is back on. I’m seeing her AND going to my friend’s party Saturday night AND going to my friend’s BBQ on Sunday. Those dice have been cast. And the therapist is going to have us lay ground rules including exceptions, because they WILL happen. The therapist is afraid that now that we’re making exceptions that exceptions will start flooding in. Oh Lord have mercy, people. 

Yes, my eyes rolled when I heard about ground rules because that type of rigidity in a relationship is not appealing, but let’s see what happens on Saturday. I do like this therapist, Maria. But I’m not crazy about going to her every time we have something difficult to resolve. But I was tired of not getting through.

Tune in tomorrow for another episode of “As the Stomach Turns.”

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Relationships

She’s Canceling the Weekend

Posted on by GratuitousRex

As you may recall from yesterday’s blog post about my wanting to go to my buddy’s guys- only birthday party on me and Mona’s weekend, Mona is none too happy with me for being willing to take away from our little time together on a Saturday. (Even though she was originally ok with me staying out on Friday.) I didn’t stand up for her and say “fellas, enjoy the party. Saturday is my night with my gf so I’m unavailable.”

I really didn’t think it would be that big a deal. I thought she’d be all “no prob, babe. Enjoy!”

Or maybe I just hoped. 

But now she told me that she doesn’t want to see me anytime Friday, Satutday or Sunday if I’m willing you give up Sat 730pm-1130pm. Originally it was Sat 830pm-Sunday 1030am but I offered the previously stated compromise. 

But no, she’s not budging. She’s calling me and raising me. She now does not want to see me this weekend at all, but wants to see me in two Sundays, which is the next scheduled time we see each other after this weekend. If dhe’s not a priority to me then I’m not one to her, she said.

Now of course I have to be all “no no, we’ll have none of that” and be sure to see her this weekend even if I have to show up uninvited and text her all weekend.

But honestly, part of me really wants to not see her anymore. I can’t tell if this is just a fight or the end is near. The end may be near, given what I just blogged about our money situation. 

Eh… we’ll see what happens. I’m not budging from my plans on Saturday.

Sunday is the wildcard I’m sure she’s waiting for. I have plans to go to a friend’s bbq Sunday and would need to leave her at 2pm. I’m sure she’s waiting for me to say “my darling I’m sorry, I’m going to throw away my Sunday plans to have more time with you.” It would only be 2 & 1/2 hours more than what I’m offering, but I’m sure she wants that. 

Ugh, blogging about it is just getting me more mad.

Im gong to bed. 

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Relationships

Need to Make More Money

Posted on by GratuitousRex

Well, Mona and I had the money conversation again.

Fun.

She has her own business and currently makes more than twice what I make. She does very well. I can’t talk figures, obviously. I do ok. And I’m only at my job almost a year. Before that, I was unemployed for two. Yes, two years. 

So she feels I’m too occupationally unstable and I make too little to be a true candidate for a husband. Not that I need to make a huge salary but it needs to reflect the next level… or two. I need to be able to afford my share of life, not be so tight with my budget. 

At first, 9 months ago, I needed to pay off my debt in order to meet her kids. But now, I need to be more of a financial catch. 

Look, I get it.  Not about the kids but in the words of 80s/90s rapper Big Daddy Kane… “there’s no romance without finance.” Life isn’t cheap, no woman wants to be in a relationship with a guy who’s a financial burden. But I’m not her equal. Not that I have to be, but I’m not even close. 

So my question is… why the hell did she stay with me in the first place?  And what the hell are we doing still together? She’s staying on hoping I can turn things around quickly?

Geez, no pressure. 

As tensions mount, I don’t know how long we can be like this. She tells me I make her feel like nobody ever had before  (probably because I entertain her shit.) That we’re two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly together. 

Well, guess what? Sounds like we’re pieces in a Jenga puzzle and it’s looking migh-ty wobb-ly.

Well, I DO need to start looking for a job. It’s time, I got my year in, more or less. I need to move and see what else is out there.  So who knows what the future holds. 

Fun times, right? 

12
Relationships

Last minute plans with friends= Unhappy girlfriend

Posted on by GratuitousRex

So ok… my gf Mona and I see each other every other weekend 7pm Friday to 8am Sunday. The weekends in between we only see each other Sunday 11a-430pm. So not a whole lot.

Weeks ago, Mona said a ladies night was being planned this Friday, so instead of 7pm, I’ll meet her around 11pm. Takes away our Friday evening but hey, she has limited “no child” time so no biggie. I’ll visit a buddy near her place before I go to get house at 11pm.

Now… i have a friend Darren. I know him since I was 12, I’m godfather to his daughter. His wife, Vivian, is putting a guys- only house party together for his birthday. The bunch of us rarely see each other and it would be really cool if we just showed up to his house unexpectedly. A legendary party with lots of music, laughs and alcohol. One that would make sense for me to crash there overnight.

It was to be on Friday or Saturday. Vivian asked us for availabilities. Now, Friday was better for me since Mona has plans Friday night. However, when the guys gave in their availabilities, more couldn’t do Friday than Saturday. 

Does Rex take a firm “no Saturday” stand? No. My friends are important and we rarely get together like this. So I pitch it to Mona as I can be with her until 8:30p. Then I’ll go to Darren’s, stay the night, return to Mona’s on Sunday 1030am-2pm.

I wouldn’t normally see her on a Sunday because I work my real estate photography job but I’m not going this Sunday. I have a bbq that I’ll be attending in the afternoon. So Mona andI can have some more time together. 

I didn’t ask for her for permission. I told her this was my idea to make everything work. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand………

I’m in the doghouse. 

We only have two weekends a month together. Plus she’s going on vacation in early July which will take at least one weekend away. 

Dog. House. I was hoping for a “hey, I understand this is important to you. I’m sorry we will spend less time together this weekend but I’ll deal with it.” 

BUT rather I got “You’re making your friends a priority over me. You’re taking away from OUR time. You choose THEM over ME” Which ok, is technically true. And I wish I could change the date of the party. But I can’t. 

And, of course, this was all over text this morning and really distracted untilI had to say “no more arguing over text fit the rest of the day.”

So… fun times.

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