movies, Relationships, Uncategorized

I can’t afford a relationship

Backstory, I’m on a budget. An actual one. I have $x for rent, $y for credit card bills,  $z for spending on gf activities etc.

And lately, it’s been tested, bent and broken. 

Two weeks ago, Oct 7, Mona wanted to go out with her friend as a couple. She also had play tickets for this past weekend, Oct 21, with a friend but wanted to meet up with me and other friends for a dinner afterwards. One that I would pay for (for our share) . 

Now, if the dinner with the friends Oct 7 was going to be expensive, then the dinner on Oct 21 woundn’t’ve been possible $-wise.

As Oct 7 approached, we tried to target a “casual” (see “cheaper”) restaurant and made a reservation but the day of that all went down the crapper because Mona and her friend didn’t think it was a nice enough place. Ultimately, we would up at a hibachi-sushi place. Mona and I decided that my November spending was going to be lite due to my birthday and I could transfer funds to October. So we proceeded. 

Her friends do well and didn’t hold back ordering, why would they? And had some alcohol too.

The bill came and…  they decided to pick up the whole check, appreciative that we’d go east out east in Long Island.

Ok, swallow my pride, accept it. But now I have enough for dinner on Oct 21 after meet Mona and friend after they see a play. 

However, Oct 20th arrives and the friend who had the other ticket was really sick and couldn’t go.  And Mona wouldn’t go alone and didn’t want her friend to waste her money. So Mona bought her ticket and took me instead. Hello Dolly! with Bette Midler. Wasn’t crazy about the story but the acting, singing, songs were top notch. David Hyde Pierce  (Niles from the TV show “Frasier”) was in it too.

I can’t afford it, but I’ll take it as a gift in a pinch. 

But that created more drama. 

We had lunch in Manhattan first.  I told Mona to pay for that and I’d cover the LIRR train ticket.  That meant I had to borrow a little from November but not much. I wasn’t comfortable borrowing any more from November.

Lunch was great. We go into CVS for some toiletries. My Mona budget is done at that point, so I ask Mona to pay for her share. 

And she loses it. 

She paid probably $150 for the ticket. I didn’t have to pay her back but I couldn’t lay out $15 for lotion and floss, regardless of where it came from?

Yes, of course I could but in the moment I was trying to honor my budget, tight she’d appreciate that. Plus my brain was fried from all this budget talk about what I had and didn’t. Plus, just the fact that it was toiletries threw me off. Seemed like an odd thing to treat my gf too. Me overanalyzing again.

So there we were, arguing as we walked through Times Square. Yes, the Naked Cowboy is now well aware that I’m on a budget. She was crying too. A textbook shitshow.

We got over it for the rest of the day, the play and dinner were great… but I think this’ll break us. My money situation isn’t changing fast enough to move us forward and she doesn’t know how to deal except put more pressure on me.

I’ve been applying and interviewing but I’m starting to get numb. 

That’s not good.

Relationships, Uncategorized

We started farting in front of each other. No turning back now. 

So Mona had a slight stomach bug this weekend, and yes, it gave her more gas than normal, and she couldn’t hold back. 

Granted, she wasn’t waving it in my direction, smiling in anticipation. Not yet, anyway. She still walked away but occasionally, hey, it’s kind of unavoidable. People have gas.

We’re practically at 2 and 1/2 years and it’s finally out of the bag. And throw in some conversation about bowel movements too. Nothing too graphic, but we joke that it will GET graphic.

The way Mona talks, it’s such a relief to get this out of the bag. Like she has a nuclear reactor in her trunk and now she can lay waste to the area. 

Hopefully it won’t get like that. There were a lot of Dutch Oven references, but nothing so bad so far.

I’m used to fart humor with the guys and family, but I never have with a woman was in a relationship with. In a way, it’s a huge step. It’s also a way different side of non- related women than I’ve ever seen first hand. I suppose it had to happen eventually. We’re all human. 

And of course, it’s not like the smell of flowers emanates from MY lower region, I got game as well. Truth be told, whenever I see her I take at least one Gas X tablet to keep my toxicity in check. I think still will. 

Anyway, I’m sure you really wanted to read about that. Enjoy! 


Fantastic short vacation with my gf

Mona and I went on our first vacation together this past weekend. Sort of.. 

We went to stay at a friend’s house in Fire Island this weekend. It’s a narrow barrier island just south of Long Island.  When on the island,  it’s only a ten minute walk across it north to south from the bay to the ocean. Very laid back, no cars, everything is so relaxed.

My friend was there but he did his own thing for a good portion of the weekend, so Mona and I were free to entertain ourselves. 

 We had a fancy dinner, lazed on the beach, took long walks, took an outdoor shower together (and separately too. Outdoor showers are amazing), lots of cuddling and even snuck in some advanced cuddling, did some cooking, watched some tv, bbq’d with my friend. Took LOTS of pictures.

I know I post a lot of frustration with Mona, but man we have so much fun together. Lots of laughter, we just love to talk to each other. 

We planned activities out ahead of time, but the gray weather on Saturday removed the water sports we hoped to do but the rest went off without a hitch. 

We needed some good us time. We even talked about getting a house in Fire Island one day (not that were can afford it now, but dream big, right?) But that quickly turned into just getting a boat instead. I get it, boat’s more useful. Still a financial stretch, but it’s nice to have the have those thoughts and conversations. 

It was costly but we were prepared. The vacation was just what “We” needed. 



So Mona and I get in the phone every couple days to be certain we have some actual communication, not text only. And… perhaps we should go back to text only. 

We started normal “My day was (x).” “That’s great. My day was (y).” “Awesome.” Then we started discussing plans to go away in two Fridays. We’re going further out on Long Island and will eventually need to make a ferry at a certain time, and I have to pick her up at a certain time. 

All good. 

 Then… she goes into what time I should leave my place to get to her. “We can wait on this. It’s a week away,” I said. “No, let’s discuss now.”

Okay then. 

Now, I need to get there at 7:50am. Going against the direction of the AM rush. Earlier this year, I used to leave my place around 8am to work from her office by 9am. So I have some experience with this. I can manage it. I’m an adult. I’m usually early to everything anyway. 

“I think you should leave by 6/630am.”

(First of all,  pick one. She always does that, says two times. Just pick one please so I have a clear idea. I correct her usually but she never learns. Anyway…)

“6 is way to early baby” “We need to make the ferry. What if there’s an accident on the road.”

Traffic? Going in the opposite direction of rush hour?  At 7 in the morning? Don’t worry babe, I got this. 

Back and forth, back and forth. Just let me be. I’ll do what I have to do to get there on time.

At this point, I’m getting frustrated and my voice is raising. And once my voice raises, that’s the main issue for her. Not the reason why my voice raised, not my being frustrated that she doesn’t believe I can do this in my own… those aren’t good reasons anyway. The fact that my voice raised on the phone trumps all other concerns. I shouldn’t ever raise my voice.

Someone stick a pencil in my eye. 

I explained to her that I was frustrated that she didn’t let me handle it, didn’t believe me that I did that trip before and thatI knew what I was doing. 

Plus, I’m pretty hot headed in general. People tell me I’m loud quite often. I reminded her that. 

Made no difference. 

My explanation didn’t make her care. Not one iota. Nothing is ever a good reason to raise my voice. I understand she used to fight with her ex husband but right now, I don’t give a flying fuck! 

I actually asked her to apologize to me for causing me to be frustrated. For not letting it go when I said I had it. Ok, I knew that would set her off, but I had to stir the pot a bit more.

Of course she refused. She has no fault in the matter.  In any matter. I explained to her that I have apologized many times for doing nothing wrong, but I did it for the sake of the relationship and ending the fight. She still wouldn’t just say “I’m sorry.” Wouldn’t take any ownership, any responsibility in the matter. 

Or wouldn’t just utter some words that I needed to hear. 

We’ve been fighting a lot lately. I know I’ve said I that the end was coming before and then it wasn’t. So who knows. 

Going to be an interesting morning tomorrow. 

Ok, people. Let’s hear it. 


I WASN’T wrong about her after all (aka How Do You Not Respond to Hostility with Hostility?) (Aka I’m Done Making the Peace) A gf story

So Mona and I had another fight.  Two night’s ago. Shocker. She called to speak her mind because she just had to get something off her chest. That night. She knew I’ve been working all night all week. But it couldn’t wait. 

Wait for what, Rex?

To tell me that something has been off all week (a HA! I knee it!) and she’s upset that my attitude towards progressing my career is wrong. That I’m not taking the bull by the horns. That we can’t progress until I show her that I’m a consistent go getter and that I go get the next step of my career, make more money, get my shit together. 

She actually used those words.

Mona’s not completely off. I’m at my current job almost a year and I dragged my feet updating my resume and was slow to start sending our resumes. I hate the job search. 

Sure I have fantastic reasons: I’ve been working late at the day job consistently during the week for the past month. Then it’s taking me forever to upload pictures from my photo job, so mote stuff to do at night. Then there’s seeing her. Then there’s taking pictures. Then there’s trying to have a non gf/ work life.

Truth be told, even though I’ve been getting overwhelmed, I could have squeezed (squoze?) a few hours here or there you get my resume done and apply to a few jobs. 

And she came down on me hard for it.

Now, there once was a time that I’d try to be calm and own up to my transgressions because I wanted the fight with her to end. 

But those days are LONG GONE. 

I don’t know about you but when someone comes at me, or it seems like they are, I get into defensive mode. 

Then OFFENSIVE mode. I even called her selfish. I can’t recall everything I said. It went everywhere. She said I midled her with how I spent money when we first met even though I was unemployed,  then barely freelancing. 

Then I told her I should never have dated het in the first place but when a woman reaches out to me, I can’t turn that down. Also, when she finally found out my money situation, incurring debt and burning through savings, she should have broken up with me. Her argument against it was that we’d already been together a year. 

So… frickin… what? Did she really love me that much? Is the sex that good? Did she not want to start over? 

Truth be told, I got emotional and I shouldn’t have. My career amd financial situations are points of shame, embarrassment and anger for me. And she wants me to let her into my upsets about myself, not be Mr Everything Is Fine. 

So I did. 

Kinda felt strange to tell her I had all those emotions towards myself about money and career, an it really spiralled out of control with self -loathing and nervousness. Truth be told, I don’t see why a woman would stay with someone after hearing all that. 

But I was also angry with HER for being selfish for not waiting, because she had no concerns for what I’m going through, really, that it’s all about her. And I didn’t see US continuing as a couple after this conversation and told her it was OVER. I said it four times! Loudly. Angrily. 

(PS it’s not over.)

The day after we texted all day that everything was ok and relationships are hard work and do I want to do the work and blah blah blah.  We calmed down and I wanted to talk to her at night to talk before she went on vacation. And it went well…

Until we started going over the previous night’s fight. Ugh. Bad idea. 

I’ll spare you the details, but she went to bed angry. Which I actually enjoyed.

The next morning I tried to start off with a pleasant good morning text (which in retrospect was kind of a dick move since she went to bed angry) but she wasn’t having it. Ugh. You know what, Mona? Have a good flight. Text me when you land. 

That was at 9am. I got no replies and at 11am I texted her that I have an interview next week. Yay! 

Nothing. She’d busy getting the kids to the airport AND she’s angry. And I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if she was angry. 

So at lunch she texted that I was shitty because I didn’t ask her for het flight number to track it. Ugh. GFY! She does that because she’s a nervous wreck. I’m not. But honestly, I didn’t know when hervflight was specifically leaving and as a bf I really should. I owned that. 

Didn’t make a difference. She’s getting angry at me for anything I do now.

Now, you’d think that because she’s going on a cruise that it could be a communication vacation as well, something I’d certainly welcome. 

But NOOOOOOOO, it’s 2017. She’s getting a data package on her cruise. 


Well, going to bed she was flirty. Which is a good sign. Still no exclamation points in her good night texts.

We’ll see how it goes tomorrow as her cruise sets sail.

Ok, people. Let me have it. 


I Was Wrong About Her

So a few days ago, I wrote She Can’t Even Fake It On Text where my gf Mona said she was “Eh” but didn’t go further about why, and I assumed it was about “us” because if it were about anything else, she’d tell me. 

Well, guess what? It was something else: about her ex husband and pressure with taking care of her kids. See? I was all assumptive for no reason.

We are all meaning making machines, as they say. And we are not always right.

We didn’t have much time together today but Mona made sure to apologize for not being more communicative this week. That was nice of her. 

We were both exhausted (me from walking 15 miles shooting pics in Manhattan the day before) plus we were waiting for Verizon to come fix her set up so we hung around and lazed in her two – person hammock. Got a little nap in there. I needed that since I was up late the night before at a guys dinner. And she needed it because she has young kids who wake her up often in the middle of the night. 

Anyway, NOW here’s the next hurdle: TWO WEEKS WITHOUT SEEING EACH OTHER.

She’s going on a cruise with her kids and her friends this Friday into mid next week. This may be the longest time we’ve not seen each other… also the longest time between oxytocin waves, ifyouknowuimsayin. So we’ll see how she is when she returns. 

Fingers crossed. 


My Debt is 71% Gone

Oh yeah, baby! You read correctly. 71%… of the original $19,500… gone! I started working on paying it off in October 2016. 

In all honestly, I could eliminate the rest of it right now but my savings would take a hit. 

How have I been pay it off? Well, I used $3k from my savings. And about $2k from my tax return. On top of that, $1k every month from my day job plus most of the $ from my side job taking external pics of real estate on the weekends. 

Honestly, I did owe a ton to my therapist, Sheila. She helped put a fire under me, got me on a budget and pushed me to transfer a good chunk of the debt to 0% cards.

AND she pushed me to get my second job.

Now, ok, those are not what I think of when I hear “therapy.” I mean, I knew 0% cards and side jobs exist in theory but… I still wasn’t getting any before seeing her. So would every therapist have made the same suggestions? Possibly. I wouldn’t think the Master’s of Social Work program covers debt consolidation. I’d think this is more Common Sense that I was lacking. Which I guess is a big reason to see a therapist. 

As you may remember, my reason for seeing Sheila in the first place was because my gf Mona mandated it:

A. Because Sheila’s engrained in Mona’s life, especially dealing with her kids. Sheila has power to approve or veto suitors for long term potential.

B. Sheila knows Mona’s life in general and can help me navigate that world. 

C. She’s really good and can give me a kick on the ass when needed. 

D. I’m 44, single, don’t make even close to a lot of money, until 42 years old my longest relationship was 6 months. So yeah. Therapy couldn’t hurt.