movies, Relationships, Uncategorized

I can’t afford a relationship

Backstory, I’m on a budget. An actual one. I have $x for rent, $y for credit card bills,  $z for spending on gf activities etc.

And lately, it’s been tested, bent and broken. 

Two weeks ago, Oct 7, Mona wanted to go out with her friend as a couple. She also had play tickets for this past weekend, Oct 21, with a friend but wanted to meet up with me and other friends for a dinner afterwards. One that I would pay for (for our share) . 

Now, if the dinner with the friends Oct 7 was going to be expensive, then the dinner on Oct 21 woundn’t’ve been possible $-wise.

As Oct 7 approached, we tried to target a “casual” (see “cheaper”) restaurant and made a reservation but the day of that all went down the crapper because Mona and her friend didn’t think it was a nice enough place. Ultimately, we would up at a hibachi-sushi place. Mona and I decided that my November spending was going to be lite due to my birthday and I could transfer funds to October. So we proceeded. 

Her friends do well and didn’t hold back ordering, why would they? And had some alcohol too.

The bill came and…  they decided to pick up the whole check, appreciative that we’d go east out east in Long Island.

Ok, swallow my pride, accept it. But now I have enough for dinner on Oct 21 after meet Mona and friend after they see a play. 

However, Oct 20th arrives and the friend who had the other ticket was really sick and couldn’t go.  And Mona wouldn’t go alone and didn’t want her friend to waste her money. So Mona bought her ticket and took me instead. Hello Dolly! with Bette Midler. Wasn’t crazy about the story but the acting, singing, songs were top notch. David Hyde Pierce  (Niles from the TV show “Frasier”) was in it too.

I can’t afford it, but I’ll take it as a gift in a pinch. 

But that created more drama. 

We had lunch in Manhattan first.  I told Mona to pay for that and I’d cover the LIRR train ticket.  That meant I had to borrow a little from November but not much. I wasn’t comfortable borrowing any more from November.

Lunch was great. We go into CVS for some toiletries. My Mona budget is done at that point, so I ask Mona to pay for her share. 

And she loses it. 

She paid probably $150 for the ticket. I didn’t have to pay her back but I couldn’t lay out $15 for lotion and floss, regardless of where it came from?

Yes, of course I could but in the moment I was trying to honor my budget, thought she’d appreciate that. Plus my brain was fried from all this budget talk about what I had and didn’t. Plus, just the fact that it was toiletries threw me off. Seemed like an odd thing to treat my gf too. Me overanalyzing again.

So there we were, arguing as we walked through Times Square. Yes, the Naked Cowboy is now well aware that I’m on a budget. She was crying too. A textbook shitshow.

We got over it for the rest of the day, the play and dinner were great… but I think this’ll break us. My money situation isn’t changing fast enough to move us forward and she doesn’t know how to deal except put more pressure on me.

I’ve been applying and interviewing but I’m starting to get numb. 

That’s not good.

Friends, movies

Sneaking sushi into the movies

Yep. Not a sandwich… not a burrito… SUSHI. Ah 2016.

My friends and I were out having a few drinks then went to see the new Star Wars movie (eh.)

But there was a question of what to eat for dinner. My friend Smitty suggested we eat sushi, he knew of a decent sushi dive near a subway station near the movie theatre. “Ok, we can eat quickly there then go in,” I proposed. 

“No, we can bring it inside the theatre.”

“Excuse me, what?” Yep, it’s 2016 all right, where we’re now sneaking sushi into movie theatres. 

Smitty didn’t try to hide the bag, with its trademark smiley face on it. The usher said “What do you have? Food?  Any drinks?” No.

And in we went.  Who knew food from outside is allowed in? And as luck would have it, these were plush seats with retractable tables.

A new age is upon us.

Coincidences, fun, movies, Relationships

The Girlfriend/Batman Coincidence

This was weird…

So tonight, for the hell of it, I put on Batman vs Superman as I’m winding down tonight, getting ready for bed. 

Simultaneously, I was texting Mona good night. “Love you!” “Miss you!” “Can’t wait to see you!” All that good stuff. She mentions that she’s in bed watching tv, I said I can’t wait to watch tv in bed with her. 

Simultaneously… there’s a scene going on where Batman first meets Superman. There’s a quick confrontation and Batman asks Superman “Do you bleed? (Superman flies off and Batman says) You will.”


So I look down at my phone and I see this text from Mona:

(Meaning I will watch TV in bed with her.)

I swear to God, that just happened. Freaky, right?

I really can’t believe I created that instance of serendipity. I’m a wizard! A sorcerer!


Coincidences, movies

The Cleveland Coincidence

So there I was on Facebook and I watched a promo clip of the Amy Schumer/Bill Hader movie Trainwreck. Bill Hader plays a sports doctor who is friends with LeBron James (as himself) and they’re talking about Cleveland and how LeBron is trying to get Bill’s character to come to Cleveland.

(Funny clip. Genius idea bringing LeBron in as the buddy in a romantic comedy, to bring in the male audience. Maybe I’ll go with Mona.)

After the clip ends, the first friend’s Facebook post that I see is by a NJ resident posting a pic of his lunch & the restaurant… IN CLEVELAND.


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movies, Relationships

Date 4 + When Harry Met Sally Coincidence

So I had Date 4 tonight with “Mona.” Picked her up at her office again and we went to a nearby town on the water with lots of restaurants and bars. Going there was my suggestion. I had to meet her around 8:45pm so no dinner, just drinks.

After considering one place with modern dance music with a cover charge (where we would have been the oldest people there) we went to another place with a band and no cover charge  (where we were probably the youngest people there.)

Very very very good date. Fun, romantic… we even danced a slow dance. I even asked her why she reached out to me in the first place,  after she got separated. She said she had a “Facebook Crush” on me, which is frickin adorable to say. And flattering.

We again had a backseat romp… this time, for fun, I said to her that I wanted to make it more romantic, then broke out an electronic votive candle like this:


That scored points. (And yes, i have those at home to set the mood, and could fall asleep to post-coitus without burning my apt building down.)

And… she reserved a date in two weekends to come over my place (I’ll be away next weekend.) And I’m seeing her this coming Monday, since I’ll be away next weekend. We’ll only have a couple hours, but I wanted to see her again soon since I’ll be away this coming weekend. So things are going well.

At some point, she mentioned that she actually wasn’t normally very forward, and I likened it to When Harry Met Sally when he says that she’s High Maintenence but she thinks she’s Low Maintenence. Trust me, it was playful and in context and she enjoyed the reference.

In fact, she said that she also used When Harry Met Sally to explain something just yesterday.


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Coincidences, movies, Relationships

Wizard of Oz Coincidence

So I was on that date last Friday night. We went to dinner and sat at a table by the wall.  The square table was positioned so a corner was near the wall,  not a flat side, and she and I sat on opposite sides of that corner so we could both look into the room of we wanted.

Now the wall was covered with a curtain and at some point she started moving the curtain,  wondering if we were going to get to see the “man behind the curtain” which is, of course,  a line from the Wizard of Oz.

Later on, we mentioned bicycle riding and I started singing the famous first bars of the music to when Dorothy’s mean neighbor,  Miss Gulch, would ride her bicycle.

We had a small laugh. We were on our second glasses of wine by that point ; )

But as we left we stood up and realized that on the other wall,  that we didn’t even notice, was a print of an original promotion poster of….

The Wizard of Oz!


And PS date #2 is tomorrow,  we’re playing pool,  and date #3 is this Sunday,  going to the beach, I think.

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humor, movies

The Nine Commandments and One Suggestion

Ok so last night I watched the Ten Commandments on TV starting Charlton Heston as Moses.

First of all, was “Charlton” a made up name by his parents when they couldn’t decide on Charles or Carlton? I haven’t heard of anybody ever named that.
(Picture from

Secondly, let’s talk about the Commandments themselves. I can’t read that language on the tablets that  Chuck is holding, let’s get a more legible version.

(Picture from

There,  that’s better.

Now as I read them,  they seem like pretty standard “good person” stuff. Don’t kill, don’t lie, don’t cheat on your spouse, be good to your parents.

Then there are also a few things pertinent to God. Seems fair. He wrote ’em, he’s allowed.

The one I could never get my head around is “Thou Shall Not Covet”.

First if all,  who says “covet”?

Secondly… uh what’s does covet mean?
Covet: yearn to possess or have (something).

(Ok I’ve known that since first learning the Commandments. Oh come, if we’re still using “Thou” and “shall” then fine,  I’ll allow “covet”)

So…We can’t want to have something? Seems counterproductive in a world filled with things.

But maybe it’s in the word “yearn”:
“Yearn: have an intense feeling of longing for something, typically something that one has lost or been separated from.”

I’m concerned. Society is clearly anti- killing/stealing/lying and if I do kill, steal or lie, there are clear consequences. And even if I miss church on Sunday, at least my mom will give me a firm “tsk tsk.”

But there’s no “HELLO, 911?! It’s my neighbor, he’s COVETING! COME QUICKLY!”

But if I want something REALLY REALLY badly, then I’m sinning.

Well that sucks.

There’s no quality control against coveting. We can’t call 911 when someone covets. We’re all out there coveting with reckless abandon every single day without concern for our immortal souls.

If thoughts are admissable as evidence to keep me out of the pearly gates then I am in TROUBLE

I say it should be 9 Commandments and 1 Suggestion.