Hey all,
So I’m watching tv and a commercial mentioned lobster ravioli.
Simultaneously, I was on Facebook and a FB friend at the US Open posted THIS
LOBSTER!
COIIIIIIIIIIINCIDEEEEEEEEEEEENCE!
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Category: fun
Who else loves watermelon in the summer?!
That’s right! It’s the season for it!
I must have had watermelon 6 times this summer so far. And once, it was a hot day and I was walking through midtown Manhattan and there was a food fair that had WATERMELON JUICE!
BOOYAH!
Ok, I haven’t exactly bought “a watermelon” this year. I don’t have a knife big enough to cut one. Plus, I don’t need a whole watermelon at a time. Just some, and the markets near me sell these nice single-guy portions of pre-cut watermelon.
But waitaminute, something’s missing. What could it be?
SEEDS! Remember seeds? If you’re a Millennial, probably not! At some point, scientist geniuses started breeding seedless watermelons! Normally, I’d say don’t trust GMOs, but seedless watermelons EFFING RULE! Thanks GMOs!
And to boot, it’s August. It’s so RIPE! Yes, watermelon! You’re sweet, cool, watery and crunchy.
GET IN MY BELLY!
When at an outdoor work lunch, don’t be the first one to say you smell marijuana
I was out with peers and superiors having coffee and apps. We went to Bryant Park. Behind the big NY Public Library there are these two places, one is like an outdoor bar, the other is more of a restaurant. A co-worker suggested we go there.
I used to work near there two lives ago. The place for drinks was jammed every Thursday Happy Hour. I’ve been to the restaurant a few times too.
We got to the restaurant and it was closed for a private party. HOWEVER the roof deck was open to the public.
AWW YEAH. Coffee and snacks on a rooftop deck on the boss. All goes well, talk talk talk, bella nice nice.
Then all of a sudden, there it was: the smell of pot. Let’s just say, I DEFINITELY know what that smells like. NY has gotten very laid back on the status of pot. I’m not sure what it is anymore. I smell it all the time walking down the street. I even smell it sometimes while DRIVING. The other day I saw a van and it was decorated saying that they sell weed. Not sure if it was real.
Anyway, there I was on the roof deck with peers and bosses… and the smell of pot. I didn’t think it wss appropriate to be the first to say “whoa, did you smell THAT?!” I thought it was best to be prudent… at this… juncture (to quote Dana Carvey’s George H W Bush.) I didn’t think it was wise you reveal my knowledge and thought I’d wait to see what the bosses said.
Conversation went along with no mentions.
As we got up from the table, my boss’ boss, Nadia, finally said “was that pot I smelled earlier?”
THEN we all chimed in. Yeah, it sure was. NY is loosening up” etc etc. Gotta be careful eco knows what about me.
The Dunkin Donuts Coincidence
So I went to Dunkin Donuts this morning for a coffee and since I had nothing to eat yet, I bought 5 munchkins.
Fifteen minutes later, in the car listening to the radio, I thought how I was too stuffed from Dunkin Donuts. A second later, the radio personally announced a program sponsorship, saying that it was “brought to you by Dunkin Donuts.”
COIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE!!!!!
The Orange Coincidence
So today I went onto the office and in the kitchen, there were free oranges and apples. Dammit, I’m having an orange!
I roll my oranges before peeling them because they’re much easier to peel. Then, i proceeded to peel it in one consecutive attempt. You see one continuous rind. No pieces.
That alone gets me excited (I know, I know…I’m weird.)
Then I go on Facebook and here’s the first FB friend’s status that I see:
Ok, sure that’s a reference to our President. I’m not backing that comment or criticizing it. I’m celebrating the fact that it mentions “orange” directly after I peeled an orange.
COIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE!!!!!!!!!!
The Trash Talk Never Ends
So… a year and a half ago I wrote Male bonding: Insults and to prove my point, there’s my pal, Stan. Stan and I were roommates 2006-2008. We met pretty randomly: a friend of mine Karen (a dog walker) knew his dog walker, Meg, and I guess through their canine connection Meg mentioned that Stan just broke up with his live-in gf and is looking for a roommate.
He and I met, had a few beers and got along great… and I quickly moved in. Talk about a fun two years. We drank a whole lot of beer, he cooked great meals, we ate take-out too, we drank tons of coffee (new coffee machine) and we’d even buy each other a 40 ounce bottle of Bud whenever the other had sex with a new woman.
And we bs’d, playfully insulted each other and talked trash non-stop.
But Stan was also a professional and I learned a lot from him. He was fun and he also he had his shit together. Great job, an assertive negotiator of salary, level headed, focused. He introduced me to higher quality dress shoes (great investment.) A good role model for me.
Yeah I just said that. At that time I was eating it professionally and Stan opened my world up to being serious about a career.
The addition of key people can change life significantly.
Speaking of which, when I was living with him, Stan meet someone significant too, Lola, his now-wife. I moved out, cuz she was movin’ in.
(Grumble grumble)
Oh well. All good things must come to an end.
We’ve hung some since. They moved to Colorado and I saw them there too. I’m friends with his cousin who now lives in NJ.
Every week or so, Stan and I text- occasionally we catch up, but usually it’s to talk trash. It’s usually of the “Dick!” Or “Sack Lover!” variety, but here’s the text I got from him today. It’s exceptional trash talk:
Do women ever talk like this?
Planning how to use my 2017 vacation days
Ok. It’s almost June. And I have 15 vacation days to take.
Now, I’m living very economically so I can’t go on a full fledged vacation away to another city, state or city (one that I pay for myself anyway.)
So where to? I live in the New York City area. Hmmmm. Do I just take a staycation and be a tourist in my own city? Or maybe I can do my side job a lot and make a good deal of money.
Ot maaaaaaybe, do I find a way to make it work money-wise and go to my sister’s house in Fire Island off Long Island? Hmmmm. I went this time last year. But parking is expensive. As is food out there. Then there’s the ferry there. Oy it’s adding up.
Maybe I can drive to visit family in Maine or Ohio. Probably $80 in gas. The there’d food.
Oy. Maybe I’ll just stay home, go to the beach, ride my bike a lot, meditate a ton. Visit people.
Hmmmmmmm….
