Relationships, women

Is Liking other women’s selfies on FB inappropriate for a man in a relationship? 

Yes. This is about Mona. Yes, many of you don’t like her. But here me out…

So I’ve worked in the corporate world in my career and have been friendly with lots of people.  Yes, women too. Talking in the office, going out for happy hour. Etc. 

And on Facebook, I’m connected with many people I’ve been friendly with throughout my life. 

Yes, women too. And when they post pics, I’ll occasionally hit the Like button.

Now, my current company does have an office building in Manhattan and I do go in occasionally.  One day, an ex coworker, Beth, checked in on FB next door to my building. “Whoa, you work that close to me? Let’s have lunch one day” I posited innocently. 

Now, last Friday I went into the office.  I had my annual review so I pitched lunch with Beth. She couldn’t do it but said yes to drinks. 

Mona was very concerned about my review and wanted to know how it went. But after the review, I had to work then went out to meet Beth in Grand Central Station for a drink like old times. 

But I never texted Mona. 

And Mona let me have it because I didn’t text her how my review went or even say that I was leaving work before I went to have a drink with a FEMALE friend. 

Ugh.

I’m sure that I was hanging out with a woman didn’t help. She’s never been friendly with male coworkers. 

Is it inappropriate for me to be friendly with women? Most men don’t have female friends. I get that. This was nothing more than catching up with someone I used to work in the same office with. Not like Beth and I are going to start regularly hanging out.

So Mona and I had many conversations about my not texting her and about my drinks with Beth but eventually her head cooled down.

And then, Mona looked at Beth’s pics on FB. Especially those that I pressed Like on. Mona took note of the selfies I Liked.

By the way, Beth happens to be really attractive. And in selfies, not that she’s doing much more than smiling, but she looks good in all pics that she takes. It’s not like she’s doing anything excessively sexy or is scantilly clad but she’s good looking in general and that’s just how it goes. And I hit Like on some of those pics. 

And Mona, seeing this, lost it. Like, told me not to come over tomorrow, saying how inappropriate it is if I hit Like on an attractive Facebook friend’s pictures. Specifically, 10 pictures in 19 months. Mona texted me the pics.

Now, am I in the wrong? For meeting up with female friends while having a girlfriend? For liking female Facebook friends’ pics on Facebook? For having female friends? (Not like could give a rat’s ass about that one.  I do.  Deal with it.) Does the fact that Beth is attractions cloud everything? (I’m sure that’s a yes.)

Career

Worth bringing up to a coworker or not?

So a couple of us stepped up to watch another team’s queue of client inquiries through a different email box.

One of my immediate teammates, Jen, said how minding that emailbox in the afternoon would be difficult for her because there are only 3 of us, Jen, Michele and me, watching our own emailbox of client inquiries at that time and that “typically, Michele and (Jen) end up being the most aggressive in answering inquiries.”

Now, maybe I’m sensitive, but I think that makes me sound like I don’t do my job. Jen has a way of being too wordy and overly explanatory. I do have a project that I take an hour out of the afternoon to work on.  Perhaps she meant that but the way she said it needs work. 

I’m in a confrontational mood these days with what happened with Mona but this is work. Not sure if I should bring it up to her.  We all work from home so communication is sparse between us all anyway. 

But this is a woman who had a problem with my taking an hour to work on this project (when I would take it in the mornings) and didn’t say anything to me yet mentioned it to my boss.

I don’t want to be the guy who has drama all the time. 

Fun.

Relationships

We did NOT break up after all

I know, I’m going to hear it.

I did not break up with Mona after all.  We had a LONG therapy session, 2+ hours.  I did not hold back, even told her I came prepared to break up with her. I yelled a bit too… definitely lost my cool at times. 

I’ll spare the details, but we got to a compromise where she paid half of the damages of the glasses.

Well, not exactly. She treated me to something I was going to buy that was worth half the price of the repair. 

Why couldn’t she just give me $40? Beats me. She felt weird, I shouldn’t have agreed to take it in the first place, blahblahblah. It’s all very strange. 

Ladies, I know this sounds weird, but are you angels with your men? Do you give your men any quarter in arguments, or pull the “women are always right” card out more than you care to admit?

They say behind every angry woman there’s a man who had no idea what he did- that as men, we ride the unpredictable wave that is woman and try to provide stability. I chalk her behavior partially up to that. 

“Choose your battles wisely,” as they say. It wasn’t worth breaking up but I stood my ground enough so she had to compromise too.

We wound up having a nice weekend, though it was a bit tenuous at first since we had that crazy argument. 

Saturday we exchanged Valentine’s Day presents: she got me a couples massage/spa session plus tchotchkes, I got her some earrings and tchotchkes.

She did bring up the fact that I told her I was ready to break up with her.  A few times. She was obviously still taken aback from it. 

We had some advanced cuddling. I could tell that we both were slightly removed because of the fight still, but we wanted to get some momentum going, which helped. A little oxytocin goes a long way. 

We’re not fully healed but pretty close. I do love her. 

The thing that’ll really bother both of us is our schedule. I can’t work from her office anymore. She said it’s too distracting for her, even if I try to be quiet. So that means I see her a full weekend, then a Sunday of the next weekend, with that cycle repeating.

The full weekends won’t really be a full weekend. The Saturday of our full weekend, she’ll spend an afternoon with one child so I have to make myself scarce for 5 hours. This is a new development at the children’s request since they don’t see enough of the father.

Ups and downs. Mostly ups still.

Relationships

The Beginning… and the Middle… of the End of My Relationship

Well, Mona broke my glasses the other day. It was all in good fun, she went to straddle me and accidentally knocked into my glasses with her arm.

An arm of the glasses bent up, which is pretty standard damage.  But two pieces on the frame separated.

It was a Sunday by her place.  We went to an optician. Diagnosis? “They’re broke.  Go to a jeweler.” 

We went to a jeweler, they could be welded but they’re bent and should be unbent first. So I decided to take them to the optician where I got them during the week.”I’ll pay for them,” Mona offered, since she broke them.

“Thanks.”

PS They’re going to cost $80 to fix. Mona said she’d still pay for it…

UNTIL TONIGHT

She texted, yes texted that it bothered her that I would take her money. 

Ok, well… I’m $16k in debt, working a second job pounding the pavement for 5 hours at a time as I take pictures of real estate. I’m eating eggs because they’re cheap, turning down dinners with friends. Cut me some slack.  Actually, I said that: 

Also

And a…

for good measure.

Now, ladies. If you caused $80 damage to your bf’s glasses, is it out of line for him to take it from you? If we were married it would all be OURS anyway, but we’re not married. Should I have just covered it.”Be the man” as they say?

Obviously, the fact that I’m in a financial pickle makes it easier for me to accept the money. And more obviously, my financial pickle is what’s ultimately bothering her.

She threw it back it my face, of course, that my situation is affecting her too. That because of it we can’t proceed with things in our relationship. I can totally understand that. In her opinion, I can’t meet the kids until I’m out of debt which won’t be for ten months or so. She wants to travel, likes the occasional fancy meal, Broadway plays. She needs a financial peer or somewhat near that. 

Then after we both vented, it got eerily quiet. Mind you, we were texting this entire time. Ugh. But if I’m in a financial situation for a year and she can’t accept it, there’s only one thing to do:

Break up. 

Now, at almost two years, we can’t break up on text. And neither one of us were insisting to talk on the phone. Normally, if we’re fighting I’d give the ol’ “let’s talk on the phone, I don’t want us to go to bed angry.” But we weren’t angry anymore. 

We’re DONE. In my eyes, anyway. The writing is on the wall. And we weren’t ready to do it.

Now here’s the kicker… we scheduled to have a couples session tomorrow with the therapist whom we see individually. We WERE going to go back to her place then have Valentine’s plans on Saturday. Now, I don’t know of we’re going to the therapist tomorrow or doing Valentine’s at all. Probably not. Part of me thinks it’ll be almost fun to go in, start the therapy session, address this, break up in 10 minutes and leave.

But honestly, I can’t see this going past tomorrow. There’s no way my relationship survives the weekend. It’s sad. 

Worth noting… we haven’t had advanced cuddling in a month… or even kissed because of sicknesses, cold sores, her period, lack of time together. So her oxytocin snd dopamine levels are dry. I’m not saying that this is the only cause of her doubts in our relationship, but I absolutely think that it plays a part. Lack of sex can cause stress, frustration and anxiety. 

I’ll let you know how it goes. I know some readers have been in from the beginning and have responded negatively when I’ve written about our arguments, thinking that I’m putting up with too much. 

(Sigh) We’ll see. 

Career

Yes! I asked a valuable question at work! 

So these past couple weeks my boss told me that coworkers complained that I asked them questions to which I should already know the answer and was, in a way, wasting their time. 

We use Salesforce to track tasks and we have a new version and we have to get used to it. Things are on different screens and yesterday I realized that I hadn’t seen any particular tasks assigned to me lately. 

Should I ask coworkers where they are or shouldn’t I? How will it seem that I don’t know this? Back and forth, back and forth. Hmmmm….

Well, today on our weekly team call, at the end when it was “Does anybody else have any other questions?” I sucked it up and asked.

And it was a damned good thing I did. At least 2 others from my 5 person team was not aware of where to look. Maybe even 3 others.

YES! That felt like some nice redemption! I asked a good question! 

Coincidences

The Shawshank Coincidence

Shawshank Redemption was on last night. Great movie, but I think I’ve only seen it three times. I posted on FB that it was on, and I watched ten minutes. 

At one point, Tim Robbins’ character Andy Dufresne asked the warden why he’s being so “obtuse.” Interesting word that I never use. I took note of it.

I look at Facebook and a bunch of my friends posted lines from the movie, one of which being:

COIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE!!!!!!

Cell phones

Annoyingly Addicted to my Cell Phone

Damn, I look at this thing a lot. Facebook, texting, Googling, videos, etc.  Over and over throughout the day. I don’t think it takes me away when I’m physically with people. Maybe it’s the dopamine released by it. But either way… it’s starting to annoy me.

My plan is to scale back my constant cell phoning 

Let’s see how this goes.