I’m way too popular – Wedding Invitation List Woes

Yeah you read correctly. Sort of.

Mona and I are talking about getting married. We’re not even engaged yet but she does tend to run with ideas. We’ve looked at rings and I’m saving up. And we’re also talking about how a wedding would work logististically: how are we paying for it, venue, time of year, day of the week and, of course, how many people we’d invite.

And that’s where I get into trouble. I have like 54 family members I have to invite- parents, siblings, in laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins.

Then I have my friends with their spouses/girlfriend/boyfriend/guests. And that’s another 34 people.

So a grand total of 88 for me alone. Honestly these are people I really should invite. Cutting anyone would be hard. Over the years I’ve just accumulated lots of different people and I stay in contact with them.

UGH!!!!!!

To manage the price we’d love to keep it to 100. Mona has less people to invite than I do… but more than 12.

I’d honestly consider a “family only” mandate for my side, but that would SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Yes, we’re looking into ways to keep the budget down- unique venue, no flowers, maybe an elongated cocktail hour-style party, no dinner, maybe a destination wedding… (sigh) or maybe just elope.

Ugh, this is frustrating.

Or maybe I should bring in just a shitload of money. That would solve all of these problems.

(Yes, I know many of my blog readers aren’t Mona fans from things I’ve written over the years. We’ve had more arguments than I haven’t written about too, all couples fight. But we’ve also had a lot of progress, great times and movement towards a long term situation. No, I haven’t met the kids yet. Call me crazy but that doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers some blog readers.)

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32 comments

  1. My dear wife Karen and I eloped to City Hall … in Niagara Falls. Loved the experience, Rex. It felt old school all the way. This October we celebrate our 10th anniversary, and we’re going back to celebrate. We returned there for the fifth as well. Good luck with any planning.

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  2. Thinking about a wedding before you’ve even so much as met her children is ridiculous. You absolutely are crazy if you think that’s anywhere near okay.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Rex- I’m glad you and Mona have progressed to where you want to marry and spend your life with her.

    My only comment regarding the kids is – I’m not sure when that introduction will take place – but that it is unfair to spring a fiancé or husband on the kids without their prior knowledge or involvement. It’s a major transition and part of their life so they’ll need time to process that. Please just make sure you guys give them that. They’re old enough to recognize they should have say. I remember the child psychologist making a point to tell me that the announcement of the new partner always must come from that parent with a thoughtful and mature explanation, if asked. No surprises or kids will feel like they were deceived somehow.

    As for nuptials, I think a very meaningful idea is an incredibly tiny ceremony with the kids and parents/immediate family with a special dinner afterward. Then at a later date or time, a big party with those extra close friends and family? Somewhere in between all that, a lovely honeymoon (in the keys?) where you guys can actually have some quality alone time and enjoy each other. 🙂

    I’d hate for you to not be able to express yourself freely on your own blog. Just know that your followers wish you the best.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ummmm… dude we seriously need to talk. You know I have only your best interest in mind and I will say it is utterly batshit insane to talk about marriage without meeting her children. I can see how maybe you might not realize this, but as a mother… Holy Hannah… any mother who even considers marrying someone without them meeting her children (I’m referring to those who haven’t left the nest yet)… my friend, this is insane. If I have to come to your city to knock some sense into you, I will.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Coming late to this post, Rex. Rex. Rex, stop and think. I wouldn’t marry Mona.There, I’ve said it. You’ve not quite said it, but when you use the word “but”, or the phrase ‘yes, but’..it means you’re arguing with yourself. YOu say “we’ve had our fights, all couples fight.” That’s a big red flag. You sound as if you’re talking yourself into it when your gut is saying are you effing nuts???

    All couples do NOT fight. I’ve not had a single fight with my current husband of 13 years, and never had one in my marriage to the ex for the 20 we were married. Fighting isn’t an option. If you’re fighting, something is seriously wrong. If you have to fight rather than discuss, converse, sit down like an adult and really listen to the other, then something is seriously effed up. My parents never fought. My in laws never fought. My siblings and their spouses, my husbands siblings and their spouses, don’t fight.

    Being a female, I know where she’s going with this. I believe I commented about this on your blog. Let me be brutal: you’re an available male who’s proven himself to not be a convict, a rapist or an ax murderer.
    Sometimes, when a woman starts getting desperate, that’s all she’s interested in-A Someone to call ‘husband’. . The fact that you haven’t met her kids is a warning the size of an aircraft carrier. REX……………….if this isn’t worrisome, I think you’re letting yourself being talked into something you are not going to like.

    Women who love the hell out of their kids want you to see pictures. Talk about them all the time, want you to play with them, want you to be part of their life. They want a man who will be a father to the kids. Women who truly want the best for their kids treat them like they deserve to have a say in what happens to them.

    And…it’s not fair to the kids. A woman who intends on springing a new male on her kids…what, like Christmas? Hey kids, look what Santa brought you , a new daddy!.. that’s so effing unkind, so unfair, I can’t believe it. What happens if the kids take one look at you and say up yours? Several years ago, my husband and I were begged by a very dear friend of ours to go with him to a New Year’s party a widowed woman had suddenly invited him to. We were put, unknowingly, into a weird position, he hadn’t told her he was bringing two other people, he assumed there would be other people there. I really believe he knew in his gut what it turned out to be: a party planned for him as the sole guest. . It was painfully obvious from the git go that the party was intended for HIM ALONE. He had figured it out…she needed a new husband for her kid, and she had chosen him. All she needed now was to put the rope around his neck. Maybe take him to bed and then claim pregnancy? (becuase our friend is really a decent man, who probably would have married her if he thought he’d knocked her up. ).

    I mean, you KNOW what the deal was when you saw the table with candles, a flower arrangement (for a New Years party) and TWO plates? And boy, when her kid met him, all hell broke loose. Five years old, he IMMEDIATELY realized our friend, a Male (not my husband, he ignored him) was there to take his Mommy.

    Rex, do you really, really want to be married to a woman who would do that to her kids? REALLY?

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  6. Addendum: the woman I wrote of was divorced, not widowed.
    Rex:
    Look at it this way.
    You haven’t met her kids.
    They haven’t been allowed to meet YOU.
    Every time you think, hey, I”m through, I’m done, what does Mona do? Turns nice, probably gives you great sex, ‘makes progress’ in your ‘relationship’…
    She’s making plans on HER wedding that just happen to include you, despite the fact that you
    haven’t even proposed yet. No engagement yet?
    You’re ‘looking at rings”. You’re looking at venues.
    Can you spell “domineering”?
    Can you say “Pussy whipped”?
    You’re not in a relationship. You’re in a ‘situation”, and a bad one.

    And this is just a few points from this one specific post of yours.

    You are being controlled, Rex.
    You are being ‘crate trained.”

    What part of Controller do you not understand?
    Don’t you feel that iron grip on your soul??DOn’t you see this is a huge chess game and you’re the pawn?

    THis is CLASSIC controller. What are you going to feel when in a few years, she comes in, says, here’s my new husband, get the eff out.

    Don’t say it can’t happen to you, it happened to me…(except the genders are reversed). I thought ex was a real catch. Turns out I was the catch. Romanced, enviegled, caught, trapped, branded and caged. Enslaved.

    Mona is a controller and you are her victim.

    Now if you LIKE living in a cage, where every thing you do is criticized, everything you say is wrong, and god help us, every breath you take is under her command, then..have at it.

    And beware. If you DO come to your senses and realize that you shouldn’t marry Mona, in fact, you really snap out of it and try to leave the ”relationship” altogether, beware…she is probably also a stalker.

    Beware! and please…if you do go through with this…please. Don’t make me say “I told you so.”

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    • I never said she’d spring me on the kids like “here’s the man I’m marrying ” she’s just being very careful and protective. I’d be introduced if it was sure that I said be the one, not necessarily engaged now but going to.

      So couples should never argue?

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      • Arguing isn’t fighting, but arguing can escalate quickly into one, complete with throwing coffee cups and verbal abuse at each other. And if I said I’d never gotten into a physical fight that started from a bullying argument, (with a boyfriend, ) I’d be lying. But to say that “all couples fight” is like saying, “all black men are athletically gifted”.

        Arguing and fighting are counterproductive. I have had differences of opinion with my current husband, but neither of us have ever shouted at each other (except in an emergency), or refused to look at both sides of an issue, and both of us can say “I was wrong”. Sometimes it is hard to see the other side of the issue, which I think may be the reason why people argue in the first place. Fighting and arguing are more about defending one’s ego than anything else.
        Once you can divorce yourself from the heat of emotions, from standing up for your pride, from being determined to win at all costs, then it defuses the situation. We both try to look at it in this light: in a week, will we remember what we argued about? Probably not..which means, in the long run, it wasn’t worth arguing about.

        It’s like now. You and I are ‘arguing”. I sense a defensiveness in your response to my comment that make me think you’ve made up your mind, even though perhaps your gut is telling you differently, which is why you’re writing it out..to clarify it in your mind. I think you are making a big mistake in marrying Mona, but ultimately, it’s none of my business. After all, all I can take from it was what you’ve posted. I might be absolutely wrong. I hope I am, and I wish you luck and happiness.

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  7. Of course my husband and I argue, but we don’t fight. We have disagreements, but not fights. You have been together more than three years, correct? That’s way beyond careful and protective. In fact, it moves into the territory of being deceptive to her children. You are talking about your wedding and you’ve never met the children. You are talking about rings and guest lists and she still isn’t sure that you’re the one? That is ridiculous.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. IT comes down to respect, Rex. Arguments and fights come from a lack of respect for the other person. We humans are exquisitely tuned to nuances in the other person’s body language and tone of voice, and we know almost instantly when we’re being patronized or ‘dissed’, as the younger generations say.

    I remember hearing a marriage counselor discussing a pair of clients she was working with. He had already been brought up on Domestic violence charges because he’d ””’snapped”’ and clobbered his wife, and she, so very wisely, called the police.
    The counselor asked the man, do you think it was right for you to hit her? “well, I couldn’t help it. She made so mad, I just lost control and snapped. ” he said. The counselor said, “If a policeman had been standing alongside of her, would you have hit her then?” “of course not.” “So, you see, you CAN control yourself. ”

    the man’s problem was that he had no respect for the woman he’d married.

    A truly good marriage is very dependent on three things: love, of course, but respect for and trust in the other person. You must have self respect, of course, but respect MUST go both ways. When my husband and I disagree, I try very hard to set my emotions to the side and respect his opinion, what he’s saying, and why he is saying it. It’s because I respect him for being a good, honest, decent human being who has demonstrated all the characteristics we value and what makes a person a civil one.

    No, it doesn’t mean we act like a pair of diplomats discussing trade tariffs. . On at least MY side of the issue, I’ll sit and simmer about it..I DON’T do the silent treatment act, that’s just aggresion in silent mode. No, in my mind I’m saying “you are a total idiot “and let it run on it’s mental hamster wheel until it gets tired. Then I take stock…would my titties fall off, (in a guy, it would be did my dick fall off.) if I actually see that he has a valid point? That maybe, just maybe he’s Right and I am NOT?
    And finally, in the grand scheme of things, does it MATTER?????

    Because honestly, even if I’m wrong, I still love the man to the end of my days. and, quite honestly most arguments are about the dumbest of things…did he drink from the milk carton again?? Damn it!! So next time I’m out I buy TWO cartons of milk, one for me to POUR into a glass and if he wants to chug from his, have at it.

    The other part of that is trust. I have learned that I can trust him to treat me with respect, to honor the fact that I am his equal, that we both are willing to allow the other to be right because being wrong-and admitting…still allows us to love each other, to accept it, and to drive on.
    I hope this is the case with you and Mona. I hope she respects you,and demonstrates trust in you. At least, to me…I don’t hear it from her. But, again, and again, I am only working on data you’ve put in your blog.

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  9. I’m a little behind and you’re blog posts but I’ve always enjoyed them. I’m in the wedding business so I deal with this dilemma everyday. First I want to give you credit for looking in this Direction with Mona. I know it’s been a rocky relationship. I’m actually in a new relationship myself and we I’ve also had some rocky moments. It’s all part of getting to know each other. We are also talking about our future as well. We’re only a couple months in but we know we’re perfect for each other. The wedding should be about the two of you committing to each other. Yes you want everyone to witness it and share it with you but a big Trend right now is called the micro wedding, very small and intimate. Eloping is also popular and a lot less stressful and of course more economical. People might get a little aggravated but they will get over it. Do what your gut tells you and be happy. That’s the bottom line because life is too short. If you any wedding advice feel free to send me a private message. I’ve been in the business for over 20 years.

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