Ok, I interviewed for a job at my company. I did not get it. They’re looking for a specific degree now with specific client experience which I’m close to but don’t quite have. And apparently they don’t want to cultivate a new person to learn the position, they want someone who had that exact position before.
I haven’t had another interview, one outside my company in quite some time, nobody is responding to my applications or to my friends referrals.
And I’m starting to get depressed. Pity party for one.
I’m starting to make myself wrong for every mistake in my career that I’ve made that has led to my predicament.
My income vs cost of living is ok for a man who doesn’t want to save a lot, doesn’t want a car or doesn’t wasn’t to be in a relationship or go on vacation.
But I now need a car, I have a girlfriend, want to go on vacation and need to save money.
So I’m fucked. Plus I can’t be in this position at my company long term. I need to grow.
Of course, this isn’t great for my relationship with Mona. I can tell she’s less and less excited about my inability to progress my career. No woman would be excited to be with this type of man. I get that. Mona deserves better.
She tells me I should get a job at Google. Yeah, just like that. I actually know people there, at Facebook, etc… honestly, I don’t feel I’m that high quality to belong there. They take the cream of the crop. I look at my experience and that equals no.
So… relationships cost money, engagement rings cost money, weddings cost money. Vacations cost money. Retirement costs money.
I just don’t have passion in my career. I never have. I don’t know where I’m going with this.
It’s times like this I feel like an embarrassment to my parents. I’m “a good person” yes but with no plan in life I’m no good to anybody.
I need to bring in big change. Radical change. Attitude, energy, work ethic, ambition, focus, decisiveness, strength, confidence. I need to be different. I need my life to be a training montage from a Rocky movie.
I need to be Better Rex because Current Rex is mediocre.