So I’m a 45 year old man and I’m not going to have kids. Yes, I know… I, as a man, CAN PHYSICALLY have kids later in life, but that doesn’t necessity mean that I SHOULD.
Mona has said she’s not having any more. I don’t blame her, she has two already and is in her mid-40s. Yes, women are having kids later in life too, but complications are fairly common.
Sure, I could break up with her and start looking elsewhere, but that would mean parenthood wouldn’t start for me until my late 40s at the earliest. And finding someone isn’t easy for me. Never was.
Plus, I frickin LOVE my gf. We get along in ways that really blow my mind. Mona in hand is worth two in the bush. Can I sacrifice the awesome long term potential we have for such an unknown?
In addition, having a first child, a newborn at 47+ is not remotely exciting. Being 60 when he/ she enters high school… nope. I know some people do it, but I’ll pass.
How do I feel about my position? Terrible. Disappointed. Like I’m broken and couldn’t even follow the laws of nature during my formative years, like something’s wrong with me at the Darwinian level and I couldn’t so my job you propagate the species. I was in a haze in my 20s and early 30s. Coasting through life kinda purposeless. Really embarrassing to admit I’ve squandered my prime.
I’m not always thinking about that. But if I do, that’s the truth.
That said… what now?
Parents, by nature, have significance in life, making sure younger people, at the least, don’t die every day and beyond that, ensuring they prosper in life as best as one can ensure.
So without that… what can I do to have my life be worth something? Granted, if Mona and I get married I’ll have step-children and will be able to latch on for significance.
But… what else? I guess that’s what my career is for? Mine is middling at best. Do I even want to do what I do long term? I need to move up/on soon anyway, my current job level is not one that brings in money for long term prosperity.
Do I start volunteering for a great cause? Do I become politically active? Ugh, no, not that. Do I become über active in my nieces and nephews lives? Do I become a world traveler? (Mona wouldn’t like that, not would my current finances, but I’d love to endulge my wanderlust, if possible.) Do I become a YouTube celebrity? What would it be about? Do I go back you school?
I can’t just sit around my life watching YouTube videos, movies and tv. There’s got to be more value on life for me as a, non-parent?
I’ve got to have faith, work hard, stay focused, value myself and make some moves happen.