Living with Anxiety

I haven’t been diagnosed, but I’m sure have anxiety. I don’t know if that’s an actual clinical disease, condition, etc… but by and large… many things make me nervous and paralyze me.

Examples: 

  • I didn’t do an internship during college because the whole idea made me anxious (I did some AFTER graduating only because I learned they were the solution to the whole “how can get experience to get a job if I can’t get a job to get experience?” issue.)
  • I stayed at a job 7-8 years too long because the idea of a job search made me anxious. 
  • After winning a stand you comedy contest once, I never contacted them to claim part of the prize which was a spot on a pro show.

I can go on forever. 

Even at work, over the years I’ve not done things, not because I couldn’t do them but because they made me anxious (then I’d have to own up, act dumb like it wasn’t on purpose, sometimes re-commit to a new timeline, sometimes the project just went away.)

Why so anxious? Who knows? I have a few really traumatic experiences before 13 years old that’s probably shaped me. Ugh. 

Why am I mentioning this now?  Because today I noticed how I let something not get done, noticing that my anxiety has reared its ugly head again.

Ugh.

I probably could use some anti depressants, but God I’d hate to start a pharma solution. I hear so many bad side effects and dependencies. Seems like often they cause more harm more than good. I guess keeping myself aware of it is the only thing I can do. Keep committed to breaking the cycle. 

Does anyone else have anxiety or bad nerves? 

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6 comments

  1. Yes it’s a thing, yes it can be debilitating. Unchecked, it can also lead to depression. It may be worthwhile talking to someone about it – I’ve seen the dramatic benefit anxiety meds can have.

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  2. I experience situational anxiety like this on occasion. It’s never been so bad that it’s paralyzed me… but it’s annoying and makes things a lot more difficult than they need to be. Mine isn’t affecting daily life or my work performance.

    It sounds like yours is affecting your life, though. Talk to your doctor! Anti-anxiety meds can be really helpful. Most have very few side effects.

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  3. For years, doctors just thought I was depressed, but they never treated my underlying anxiety which just lead to more depression and in turn more medications. I have been bounced around on antidepressants, which caused so many side effects and withdrawal symptoms. Eventually i started speaking to a therapist and it helped a lot.

    My anxiety was really bad as soon as I would hear that I had to get into a car as a passenger. I almost died in a car accident where I was the passenger. I would have this paralyzing fear and it almost felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I would begin to panic.

    My therapist recommended trying out anxiety medications as a way to help boost my mood and calm me down. I take 15mg of BuSpar twice daily. I can now ride in a vehicle without having a huge panic attack. I also noticed that it helped to mellow out my moods because severe anxiety can cause severe mood swings and irritability.

    I would definitely talk to a therapist or your doctor about your anxiety. Truth is that if it does not get treated, it can get much worse than what it is now.

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