So Mona and I get in the phone every couple days to be certain we have some actual communication, not text only. And… perhaps we should go back to text only.
We started normal “My day was (x).” “That’s great. My day was (y).” “Awesome.” Then we started discussing plans to go away in two Fridays. We’re going further out on Long Island and will eventually need to make a ferry at a certain time, and I have to pick her up at a certain time.
Then… she goes into what time I should leave my place to get to her. “We can wait on this. It’s a week away,” I said. “No, let’s discuss now.”
Now, I need to get there at 7:50am. Going against the direction of the AM rush. Earlier this year, I used to leave my place around 8am to work from her office by 9am. So I have some experience with this. I can manage it. I’m an adult. I’m usually early to everything anyway.
“I think you should leave by 6/630am.”
(First of all, pick one. She always does that, says two times. Just pick one please so I have a clear idea. I correct her usually but she never learns. Anyway…)
“6 is way to early baby” “We need to make the ferry. What if there’s an accident on the road.”
Traffic? Going in the opposite direction of rush hour? At 7 in the morning? Don’t worry babe, I got this.
Back and forth, back and forth. Just let me be. I’ll do what I have to do to get there on time.
At this point, I’m getting frustrated and my voice is raising. And once my voice raises, that’s the main issue for her. Not the reason why my voice raised, not my being frustrated that she doesn’t believe I can do this in my own… those aren’t good reasons anyway. The fact that my voice raised on the phone trumps all other concerns. I shouldn’t ever raise my voice.
Someone stick a pencil in my eye.
I explained to her that I was frustrated that she didn’t let me handle it, didn’t believe me that I did that trip before and thatI knew what I was doing.
Plus, I’m pretty hot headed in general. People tell me I’m loud quite often. I reminded her that.
Made no difference.
My explanation didn’t make her care. Not one iota. Nothing is ever a good reason to raise my voice. I understand she used to fight with her ex husband but right now, I don’t give a flying fuck!
I actually asked her to apologize to me for causing me to be frustrated. For not letting it go when I said I had it. Ok, I knew that would set her off, but I had to stir the pot a bit more.
Of course she refused. She has no fault in the matter. In any matter. I explained to her that I have apologized many times for doing nothing wrong, but I did it for the sake of the relationship and ending the fight. She still wouldn’t just say “I’m sorry.” Wouldn’t take any ownership, any responsibility in the matter.
Or wouldn’t just utter some words that I needed to hear.
We’ve been fighting a lot lately. I know I’ve said I that the end was coming before and then it wasn’t. So who knows.
Going to be an interesting morning tomorrow.
Ok, people. Let’s hear it.