So Mona and I had another fight. Two night’s ago. Shocker. She called to speak her mind because she just had to get something off her chest. That night. She knew I’ve been working all night all week. But it couldn’t wait.
Wait for what, Rex?
To tell me that something has been off all week (a HA! I knee it!) and she’s upset that my attitude towards progressing my career is wrong. That I’m not taking the bull by the horns. That we can’t progress until I show her that I’m a consistent go getter and that I go get the next step of my career, make more money, get my shit together.
She actually used those words.
Mona’s not completely off. I’m at my current job almost a year and I dragged my feet updating my resume and was slow to start sending our resumes. I hate the job search.
Sure I have fantastic reasons: I’ve been working late at the day job consistently during the week for the past month. Then it’s taking me forever to upload pictures from my photo job, so mote stuff to do at night. Then there’s seeing her. Then there’s taking pictures. Then there’s trying to have a non gf/ work life.
Truth be told, even though I’ve been getting overwhelmed, I could have squeezed (squoze?) a few hours here or there you get my resume done and apply to a few jobs.
And she came down on me hard for it.
Now, there once was a time that I’d try to be calm and own up to my transgressions because I wanted the fight with her to end.
But those days are LONG GONE.
I don’t know about you but when someone comes at me, or it seems like they are, I get into defensive mode.
Then OFFENSIVE mode. I even called her selfish. I can’t recall everything I said. It went everywhere. She said I midled her with how I spent money when we first met even though I was unemployed, then barely freelancing.
Then I told her I should never have dated het in the first place but when a woman reaches out to me, I can’t turn that down. Also, when she finally found out my money situation, incurring debt and burning through savings, she should have broken up with me. Her argument against it was that we’d already been together a year.
So… frickin… what? Did she really love me that much? Is the sex that good? Did she not want to start over?
Truth be told, I got emotional and I shouldn’t have. My career amd financial situations are points of shame, embarrassment and anger for me. And she wants me to let her into my upsets about myself, not be Mr Everything Is Fine.
So I did.
Kinda felt strange to tell her I had all those emotions towards myself about money and career, an it really spiralled out of control with self -loathing and nervousness. Truth be told, I don’t see why a woman would stay with someone after hearing all that.
But I was also angry with HER for being selfish for not waiting, because she had no concerns for what I’m going through, really, that it’s all about her. And I didn’t see US continuing as a couple after this conversation and told her it was OVER. I said it four times! Loudly. Angrily.
(PS it’s not over.)
The day after we texted all day that everything was ok and relationships are hard work and do I want to do the work and blah blah blah. We calmed down and I wanted to talk to her at night to talk before she went on vacation. And it went well…
Until we started going over the previous night’s fight. Ugh. Bad idea.
I’ll spare you the details, but she went to bed angry. Which I actually enjoyed.
The next morning I tried to start off with a pleasant good morning text (which in retrospect was kind of a dick move since she went to bed angry) but she wasn’t having it. Ugh. You know what, Mona? Have a good flight. Text me when you land.
That was at 9am. I got no replies and at 11am I texted her that I have an interview next week. Yay!
Nothing. She’d busy getting the kids to the airport AND she’s angry. And I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if she was angry.
So at lunch she texted that I was shitty because I didn’t ask her for het flight number to track it. Ugh. GFY! She does that because she’s a nervous wreck. I’m not. But honestly, I didn’t know when hervflight was specifically leaving and as a bf I really should. I owned that.
Didn’t make a difference. She’s getting angry at me for anything I do now.
Now, you’d think that because she’s going on a cruise that it could be a communication vacation as well, something I’d certainly welcome.
But NOOOOOOOO, it’s 2017. She’s getting a data package on her cruise.
Well, going to bed she was flirty. Which is a good sign. Still no exclamation points in her good night texts.
We’ll see how it goes tomorrow as her cruise sets sail.
Ok, people. Let me have it.