Relationships, women

Is Liking other women’s selfies on FB inappropriate for a man in a relationship? 

Yes. This is about Mona. Yes, many of you don’t like her. But here me out…

So I’ve worked in the corporate world in my career and have been friendly with lots of people.  Yes, women too. Talking in the office, going out for happy hour. Etc. 

And on Facebook, I’m connected with many people I’ve been friendly with throughout my life. 

Yes, women too. And when they post pics, I’ll occasionally hit the Like button.

Now, my current company does have an office building in Manhattan and I do go in occasionally.  One day, an ex coworker, Beth, checked in on FB next door to my building. “Whoa, you work that close to me? Let’s have lunch one day” I posited innocently. 

Now, last Friday I went into the office.  I had my annual review so I pitched lunch with Beth. She couldn’t do it but said yes to drinks. 

Mona was very concerned about my review and wanted to know how it went. But after the review, I had to work then went out to meet Beth in Grand Central Station for a drink like old times. 

But I never texted Mona. 

And Mona let me have it because I didn’t text her how my review went or even say that I was leaving work before I went to have a drink with a FEMALE friend. 

Ugh.

I’m sure that I was hanging out with a woman didn’t help. She’s never been friendly with male coworkers. 

Is it inappropriate for me to be friendly with women? Most men don’t have female friends. I get that. This was nothing more than catching up with someone I used to work in the same office with. Not like Beth and I are going to start regularly hanging out.

So Mona and I had many conversations about my not texting her and about my drinks with Beth but eventually her head cooled down.

And then, Mona looked at Beth’s pics on FB. Especially those that I pressed Like on. Mona took note of the selfies I Liked.

By the way, Beth happens to be really attractive. And in selfies, not that she’s doing much more than smiling, but she looks good in all pics that she takes. It’s not like she’s doing anything excessively sexy or is scantilly clad but she’s good looking in general and that’s just how it goes. And I hit Like on some of those pics. 

And Mona, seeing this, lost it. Like, told me not to come over tomorrow, saying how inappropriate it is if I hit Like on an attractive Facebook friend’s pictures. Specifically, 10 pictures in 19 months. Mona texted me the pics.

Now, am I in the wrong? For meeting up with female friends while having a girlfriend? For liking female Facebook friends’ pics on Facebook? For having female friends? (Not like could give a rat’s ass about that one.  I do.  Deal with it.) Does the fact that Beth is attractions cloud everything? (I’m sure that’s a yes.)

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33 thoughts on “Is Liking other women’s selfies on FB inappropriate for a man in a relationship? 

      1. It’s good that you’re honest. Whether it’s a 7 or a 3 you have to ask yourself if you can tolerate her for the long term because you can’t bet on her changing. Being scared of being single might not be an admirable reason to stay with anyone but it’s understandable.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s almost certainly true. However, the desire to control the other person comes in many forms, and almost all of them are based on poor self-image and insecurities. You could be as careful as possible and it would still bite you because when it comes right down to it, it’s not what you do. It’s what the other party feels.

        Liked by 4 people

  1. Oh for fuck’s sake. You didn’t do anything wrong. Of course men and women can be friends if they’re in relationships.

    Yes, you should have texted Mona about your review but everything else is just petty bullshit.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. If you have to watch every little thing that you do because your girlfriend might get upset, your girlfriend sounds very insecure and that she doesn’t trust you either. Facebook causes so many problems between people. It broke up my marriage of 23 years. The statistics of divorce are now higher because of Facebook. I wish you luck with this situation but you’ve been going through a lot of struggles lately and this new relationship. Might be time to really think about what you want in your gut.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Men and women can be friends as long as they aren’t attracted to each other. The fact that she took note of which photos you liked only shows her insecurity. You were wrong for not touching base, but that’s the only thing in my book.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh Rex, you really goofed. Women are all about communication, and we are always insecure about our men. “Liking” women’s posts is one thing, but their gorgeous pics (without kids, SO, or friends who you know) is venturing into the Great Swamp. Think like a gal to keep your gal happy.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I hear you, GR. But in general, that is the nature of women. Especially those who have had previous experience with failed relationships. Appreciation, affection, attention. So says Aryeh Pamensky. Google him. Not a matter of changing behavior but being exquisitely sensitive to the other’s needs. Great Sages have said that true love is when another person’s happiness & welfare is essential to your own happiness. Wishing you strength.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Is ok to like a woman’s picture if she’s not as attractive as Beth? Mona is a piece of work. Your post makes her sound insecure and controlling. Perhaps you should have texted Mona after your review but that’s a minor infraction. There are other fish in the sea. Throw this one back.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Sweet lord.
    This is utter bullshit. If you are telling us there is NOTHING going on with your coworker and you have zero feelings for her other than being a friend, then Mona should accept that true and shut up about it. There’s nothing wrong with having the occasional jealous or insecure spell, but Mona has proven time and time again that she is insecure / controlling. Even if you kinda set up the scenario knowing she’d be pissed, given everything I’ve read about her I put her to blame for this one. Yes you can have female friends. Yes you can think they are hot. My god man if you stop thinking other women are hot you might as well just lay down full time and let Mona keep walking all over you.

    When are you going to start standing up for yourself and tell her to back the fuck off or you’re gone? I’ve met you – you can do better.

    Liked by 5 people

  7. I just keep wondering which of these incidents will open your eyes just that little bit more. You do have a personality, you do have every right to have friends of any gender, you do deserve to be treated much better than this. If she can’t see that she is driving you away (and yes, this behaviour SHOULD be driving you away), then she is just as childish and self-absorbed as she comes across in pretty much everything you post about her. You can do better, and it’s time you did.

    Liked by 6 people

  8. I don’t know why you bother asking for our advice. You know the answer to these questions and you know Mona is controlling. Thinking about it, I think the healthiest thing for you to do is find your OWN therapist.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. I’m a late arrival to your blog but I’m finally here. I’ve only gone back through a few of your posts so far… but dude – what?? I would have beat feet so long ago. As someone else said, you must really not want to be single if you’re putting up with all this nonsense. This reminds me of what I started going through with Rebecca, i.e. interrogating me on my Facebook habits, her general insecurity, and my starting to feel like I had to be careful in every little thing I was doing… barely two months and then I sent her packing (although tbh she was about to do the same). But this? Months without meeting her kids? Breaking your glasses and then pulling out the woman card when it comes to who pays? Not to mention you’re in therapy. You’re not married, you’re not engaged, you’re just dating… and you’re already in therapy? That alone amazes me. And who’s paying for therapy, btw? .

    Liked by 1 person

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