Relationships

The Beginning… and the Middle… of the End of My Relationship

Well, Mona broke my glasses the other day. It was all in good fun, she went to straddle me and accidentally knocked into my glasses with her arm.

An arm of the glasses bent up, which is pretty standard damage.  But two pieces on the frame separated.

It was a Sunday by her place.  We went to an optician. Diagnosis? “They’re broke.  Go to a jeweler.” 

We went to a jeweler, they could be welded but they’re bent and should be unbent first. So I decided to take them to the optician where I got them during the week.”I’ll pay for them,” Mona offered, since she broke them.

“Thanks.”

PS They’re going to cost $80 to fix. Mona said she’d still pay for it…

UNTIL TONIGHT

She texted, yes texted that it bothered her that I would take her money. 

Ok, well… I’m $16k in debt, working a second job pounding the pavement for 5 hours at a time as I take pictures of real estate. I’m eating eggs because they’re cheap, turning down dinners with friends. Cut me some slack.  Actually, I said that: 

Also

And a…

for good measure.

Now, ladies. If you caused $80 damage to your bf’s glasses, is it out of line for him to take it from you? If we were married it would all be OURS anyway, but we’re not married. Should I have just covered it.”Be the man” as they say?

Obviously, the fact that I’m in a financial pickle makes it easier for me to accept the money. And more obviously, my financial pickle is what’s ultimately bothering her.

She threw it back it my face, of course, that my situation is affecting her too. That because of it we can’t proceed with things in our relationship. I can totally understand that. In her opinion, I can’t meet the kids until I’m out of debt which won’t be for ten months or so. She wants to travel, likes the occasional fancy meal, Broadway plays. She needs a financial peer or somewhat near that. 

Then after we both vented, it got eerily quiet. Mind you, we were texting this entire time. Ugh. But if I’m in a financial situation for a year and she can’t accept it, there’s only one thing to do:

Break up. 

Now, at almost two years, we can’t break up on text. And neither one of us were insisting to talk on the phone. Normally, if we’re fighting I’d give the ol’ “let’s talk on the phone, I don’t want us to go to bed angry.” But we weren’t angry anymore. 

We’re DONE. In my eyes, anyway. The writing is on the wall. And we weren’t ready to do it.

Now here’s the kicker… we scheduled to have a couples session tomorrow with the therapist whom we see individually. We WERE going to go back to her place then have Valentine’s plans on Saturday. Now, I don’t know of we’re going to the therapist tomorrow or doing Valentine’s at all. Probably not. Part of me thinks it’ll be almost fun to go in, start the therapy session, address this, break up in 10 minutes and leave.

But honestly, I can’t see this going past tomorrow. There’s no way my relationship survives the weekend. It’s sad. 

Worth noting… we haven’t had advanced cuddling in a month… or even kissed because of sicknesses, cold sores, her period, lack of time together. So her oxytocin snd dopamine levels are dry. I’m not saying that this is the only cause of her doubts in our relationship, but I absolutely think that it plays a part. Lack of sex can cause stress, frustration and anxiety. 

I’ll let you know how it goes. I know some readers have been in from the beginning and have responded negatively when I’ve written about our arguments, thinking that I’m putting up with too much. 

(Sigh) We’ll see. 

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39 thoughts on “The Beginning… and the Middle… of the End of My Relationship

      1. Taking the facts at face value, no I don’t. However me agreeing with you doesn’t help matters. It shows that we are alike in our thinking. I think you have accurately identified the issue from Mona’s point of view. There is frustration in you not resolving your financial issues quickly enough. This is where your values differ. I have read about your happiness being with Mona. If you both want the relationship to last you will find a way to get over this hurdle. At the moment you are both wounded souls in need of genuine apologies, love and compromise.

        Liked by 3 people

      1. No, I think it’s unreasonable of her to expect you to pay for it due to your financial situation, especially when she broke them.

        She should have offered to pay for repair and then followed through. I think she’s being petty.

        Liked by 4 people

      1. Two years isn’t long enough of “being around?” And wouldn’t seeing someone crawling out from under debt be a learning experience for her kids? Maybe by keeping you away, she’s been planning for the end.

        Liked by 4 people

  1. I’m a woman and I’m infuriated by her behaviour. I’m sorry to say that. But yes, she SHOULD pay to fix your glasses – and the fact that she offered to, and then withdrew the offer in such a petty way is just infuriating to me. And I just don’t get why you’re not good enough to meet her kids until you’re out of debt. MOST of us are in some sort of debt, be it credit card, car/mortgage payments, whatever. Take her 80 dollars and tell her goodbye. You deserve someone who doesn’t judge you by such arbitrary standards and get pissed off when you expect her to actually follow through on an offer (paying for your glasses, WHICH SHE BROKE).
    On behalf of all woman, I apologise, and believe me, we’re not all like that.

    Liked by 8 people

    1. Bravo! I agree with all of this. I think it’s outrageous that she won’t let you meet her kids until you’re out of debt. She does know how much you’re struggling financially, right??

      Expecting you to pay for something she broke while also punishing you for being in debt is pretty despicable.

      This is a preview of what is to come in a marriage. It won’t get better. Lots of red flags here.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. The 2 biggest things couple fight about is money and sex…I think maybe she is looking for a way out since you have been struggling and she want more then you can provide right now. I am so sorry. I have seen some couples who seek therapy before marriage and some after. If you need it before, it might be a bad sign, even though I give you credit for trying. I wish you good luck in what ever happens.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I don’t get it…I think she is too controlling and you still not meeting the kids to me is a red flag. It just isn’t normal. But hey, if you are happy, may the happiness continue.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You have never valued yourself enough in this relationship. And she clearly doesn’t value you for the right reasons. I am sorry you are hurting, and your relationship may be over, but you deserve better.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mona should pay.

    A lot of things in your relationship revolved around how it affected Mona, but not, how if affected you. I can understand wanting a partner to seek therapy but demanding the partner see a certain therapist is crossing the line. Perhaps it was how you write your posts, but Mona came across had controlling and manipulative.

    I know you’re hurting. It will get better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hadn’t read your comment and I just wrote the same thing about her being controlling. If WE get that same vibe and we haven’t EVEN met her yet…I can’t imagine what it is like in person!

      Like

    2. Yeah, everything i weite has to be taken with a little gain of salt… my side only. She’s not that bad in real life.

      The therapist part was definitely weird, Mona is actually pretty fragile and this therapist has been helping for over 20 years. With her, with the ex husband, with the kids. She’s become integral to Mona’s life. She’s a good therapist die me though, very tough, no nonsense which i respond well too.

      Like

    3. We did not break up. We had some very can communication in the therapy session, i even told her i was prepared to break up with her. We compromised, she paid half.

      For a while, I didn’t like the fact that i caved in to half payment. But eh.

      Like

  5. I once had a friend who took my camera to take a photo of me and other friends and promptly dropped it on the cement floor and broke it. It was a brand new camera and it was completely broken. He did not offer to pay and I didn’t ask him to, but I felt bad afterward that he didn’t even offer to. He was the one who dropped it and broke it. However, at the same time, a fight over it wasn’t worth the friendship…. my best to you with Mona. Communication is key.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sorry I missed this post. I read the follow up. Like others here, I don’t like Mona’s behavior, her treatment of you. And frankly your financial situation shouldn’t mean you don’t meet her kids. It’s bullshit. Any woman considering a man for marriage should want to see how that man is with her kids. Not how many dinners he can buy. I’m afraid she doesn’t have her priorities straight. You are in a relationship with the potential to really fuck up your self esteem. I’m sorry my dear… I’m glad you had a good therapy session but I don’t think the core issues were addressed.

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Hi, just seeing this! Sheesh. What a mess. You weren’t wrong in accepting her offer to pay for the glasses. I’m a bit more traditional, I’d like to think, and I still would pay for the glasses if i broke them. Especially knowing you’re tight on money.
    Quite frankly, in regards to the children, Mona needs to not worry about who the next husband or stepfather is to her children and just focus on having a man that is a safe, good, and positive influence on them. She’s known you plenty long now to know you’re that. And I’m a huge fan of giving plenty of time to vet the partner before meeting the kids, but you’re a very real part of her life. She needs to trust more in her kids ability to process the situation. My kids are the same age as hers. We waited 9 months for them to meet Captain and it’s been great ever since. He’s brought a lot into their lives and although I see myself one day marrying him, I need to deal with one thing at a time. No rush on my part. Been there, done that. Lol.
    If Mona has major red flags, pressuring you to change a fundamental difference in your way of living or being is not going to work. And if you are concerned she’s fundamentally different than you are, pay close attention to those little voices warning you to be wary. Ignoring them only gets you married then eventually divorced. If it’s all good and you can work through just communication issues, then you guys are on a great path with a good therapist.
    Anyway, sorry to be so damn verbose. Lol! good luck. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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