humor

Has Anyone Ever Actually Shoved Anything Up Another Person’s Ass After They Annoyed Them? 

(No, I’m not talking sexually, you people.)

A few years ago, I was helping friends put on a seminar that they just created. It was the first time they put it on and we were all learning as we went. They were inside with the participants.  I was outside the room, doing administrative stuff and I accidentally dropped a stapler onto a table and it made a big noise.

At that point, my friend Peter who was in the room came outside and said “Rex, if you don’t put that stapler down, I’ll shove it up your ass.”

Yeah? You will?

Have you ever threatened someone or been threatened in that manner? In the world of threats, there are many choices. “I’ll kick your ass,” “I’ll beat you up” and “I’ll fuck you up” are popular ones. One doesn’t have to be a bully, these can come out of frustration or anger too. But those are possible with punches, kicks, hitting with items, etc. 

But shoving something up someone’s ass? That takes effort- subduing, removal of clothing, crossing the entry of a body cavity. Violently. It’s involved. For Pete to turn me into his personal Thanksgiving turkey would really prove dominance over me. 

But I call BS.

Now, I haven’t asked everyone on the planet, but I’ll assert that not once has that happened. It’s an empty threat. Don’t fall for it. 

Plus, Pete was like 25 years older than me. He had no shot. Honestly.  He didn’t. Really. 

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