Can’t Grow a Beard

Beards. Symbols of manhood and verility. If the members of ZZ Top didn’t have enormous beards, they’d be ZZ Bottom.

Beards are very popular these days: the full bushy lumberjack, or the neat cut a little longer than 5 o’clock shadow, or even the goatee.

Working from home, I don’t need to shave often.  Or at all for that matter.  The only times I do shave is when I go to a relative’s house for an occasion or I’m seeing Mona (and that’s not all the time, either.)

Why do I need to shave at all? Why can’t I just beard it out like most men these days? Because when I try to grow, it looks like this: 

(And this pic is after 2 weeks of not shaving!)
That’s right:  nothing on the front of the chin, very little in the sides and a mustache you can practically wipe off with a napkin. I can only grow UNDER my jaw… the AMISH goatee.

I’m Gratuitous Jebediah.

It reminds me of the episode of Cheers where the guys had a beard growing competition and Cliff Claven glued hair on his face because he was a fellow baby-bottom-face.

(Sigh) Oh well. At least I still have the hair on my head. My brother Scott could grow crop circles on his face is he wants, but at 25 years old his head was bald as a cucumber. 


  1. Woah…I am Asian and I can grow a beard! *cheap shot* Okay, okay…it took me about 35+ years before I could do that. So I am a late bloomer…

    Never gonna be able to pull off the “duck dynasty” look (I would be dead long before that ever happened) and my wife has forbidden me from growing a fu manchu beard (Pai Mei from Kill Bill).

    *sigh* oh well…I will be content with what I got.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s