Our fictional daughter’s name is Vanessa

So we had a pregnancy scare. Mona’s Aunt Flo(w) was late this month and we were days away from a pregnancy test. 

It’s all good now though it took hours off our life. The expected questions came up like what would we do and then we discussed our feelings. 

Now Mona’s said before that she wants no more kids. She’s 43, has gone through 2 already (3 pregnancies in total)  and does not want to go through it again. Of course pregnancies for women in their 40s comes with more risks than for younger women. 

And she doesn’t want to do that to her own children, add more confusion into their lives. Which I completely respect and agree with. 

But I gotta say, part of her would also love to give me a child of my own. She was having slight second thoughts. She knows I regret not having a child of my own. I wasted those prime years in my immature, confused, unfocused haze of my 20s to mid 30s.

Yes I know, I’m a man.  I still could physically sire a child. But I have no intention in being a 60+ year old father of a 15 year old. I know many do nowadays. Good for them. That’s not something I’m interested in. I missed the train.

But the fact that she’s thinking of me in that way is touching. 

Then she started talking about baby names, what Baby Rex would be named, if he/ she existed.  

For a boy, I told her that my family would love me to name him after my long-deceased father. Dad had a name that was never mistaken for being cool. The Italian version is slightly better and I put that on the faux-table too.

For a girl, we know people who’ve named girls Hadley, Astrid, Elodie. Ugh.

I know I know, I’m going to hear it for my closed- mindedness. Yes, people have taken a hard left from the traditional names- no baby Jennifers and Michelles out there. Some baby names these days are just eyebrow-raisers. I think it should be required that people get 3 other people sign off on baby names. (Tattoos too.)

We went back and forth a bit. I like 1 or 3 syllable names with my 2 syllable last name. Julia? Juliet (ugh. Her idea.)

We decided on Vanessa. I think that’s a very pretty name. Every time I meet a Vanessa, she’s always awesome. So that’s the name. For our daughter. That we’ll never have. 


  1. I’m at a similar stage. I’m 42, female, and have started to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never have kids of my own, even though I never had that innate burning desire to procreate – I just figured it would (might?) happen eventually when I met The Right Guy (or even A Guy). Unfortunately, that never transpired. I’ve also idly thought about baby names since my teens I guess, but these days, it’s more wistful than hopeful. Leaving the obvious risks aside, I wouldn’t really fancy being an older mother, I think. So even if I *could* get pregnant now, *would* I? It’s likely I’ll never find out. So goodbye, Liam and/or Olivia…I’ll never get to know you.


  2. Although I understand the reasoning behind it… It seems kind of sad. I have been struggling with infertility since my early 20’s. My partner and I picked out Draconis Rayne for a Boy and Atlyss Jade for a girl. Though there is a big chance it will never happen.


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