Career, Responsibility

She’s a Guilt Ninja! Aka Does anybody go on Facebook when they’re at work?

My girlfriend Mona thinks going on Facebook during the work day is irresponsible as a worker. I know that I work as an Office Drone and FB is easy to access. I work from home and my phone is too handy.

And I go on occasionally throughout the day, I don’t take coffee breaks or walk around an office. And sometimes it’s just during downtime.

A month or so ago, maybe two, Mona made me swear off Facebook for the workday outside of lunch.  I can see how that’s a good thing so I took it on. 

However, today I posted ten minutes outside of my lunch break.  She saw it and came down on me like a hammer, claiming the possibility of me getting fired, losing my job, not concentrating on getting ahead. Mona needs someone serious about their career, rightfully so, we should all be serious about our careers…. and going on Facebook during the work day does not show that someone is serious, in her eyes. It’s irresponsible.

She also might still be annoyed at me for having gone through savings and into debt heavily while I was unemployed, pushing back possibilities of vacations and marriage (though she claims she’s in no rush.) We DID have a talk this weekend about my needing to cut back on Christmas gift spending. A decision brought about by the therapist I’m seeing at her request, which I’ve blogged about before. 

Oh the guilt is strong with this one. 

Now I can completely see how “hey it’s my job. Concentrate. Be a man.” Aaaaaaand part of me also feels that it’s an acceptable break in moderation and it’s not like I post often during the day and if I do it’s never anything controversial. 

By the posts I see on FB, it certainly seems like my fellow office drones are also posting periodically throughout the day.

What I’ve been seeing is that there’s a common “I know  it’s a waste of time, and I should probably stop, but I go on occasionally throughout the workday because I like it” vibe. So I wanted to take a temperature of my secret blog peeps. How do you feel about going on Facebook or social media during your work day?

(I also re-commited to not going on throughout the workday outside of my lunch hour. I know some blog friends are going to have an opinion or two about Mona : ) Look. Relationships take work. So I’m willing to play along since I’m 44, single with a career that hasn’t been very successful up to this point, so I’ll try different things. But I’m sure some may see her as controlling, which she may be too.)

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32 thoughts on “She’s a Guilt Ninja! Aka Does anybody go on Facebook when they’re at work?

  1. My phone stays on my desk. I’ll scroll through a few times a day and comment here or there if it strikes me. Better than new coworker of mine who feels he has to document every hour of his workday. As amusing as that is…

    But really? She came down hard for that? Has to be building from something else as you said. That’s not justifiable imo.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I could only assume so as we’re told to not be on fb or anything social media during work. Phones are permitted since most of us use them as mp3 players, but that’s it. For the people I work for, I don’t think it would be a real problem so to speak. I also happen to have the luxury of working in a small, very laid back department.

        If anything, because he did friend coworkers early on and he posts frequently about work, I’ll tend not to trust him as a co-worker because who knows when something regarding me is going to pop up there. If he was not posting about work stuff, that’d be different.

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  2. I am lucky and work from home so my personal computer Is running as well as my work computer. And. I am guilty of posting throughout the day as I work. It’s very distracting and I should probably turn it off but I like to keep it on to see the news see what my family and friends are up to.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You don’t need to be told that Mona is controlling, you already know that she is. For whatever reason you are willing to put up with it. She wants you to “be a man”, but she treats you like a child.

    As for Facebook at work, I don’t do it. It’s easy for me to say, though, as I only work part-time right now. I’m a teacher, and I don’t use my phone when I’m with the children.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. If you are okay with her controls and all the high maintenance stuff – which clearly you are or you wouldn’t still be with her, since you know she will never change – then who am I to say anything? Definitely not for me, but I’m not the one dating her.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Eh. I’m ok with it, for the most part like these flare ups. Im sure my being 44 and single, renting an apt is making me more tolerant because it’s a way out. That sounds awful. She has tons of great qualities too. I think they exceed the controllingness.

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      1. I think it depends. A few minutes here and there is no big deal depending on your job. I work all day no breaks for even lunch, because I’m in constant meetings, so if I do something like reply to a WordPress post while walking from one meeting to another it’s no big deal.
        I would also say it depends on your workplace policy. If they track site visits (and many do) i would be very careful to not use company equipment for anything not work related.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I reserve my facebook stuff for the morning hour that I first get in. I like to check email and check facebook and drink my cup of coffee and wake up. After that tho – I’m usually too busy to check back in. And I don’t often take a lunch – as I’d rather get off a little earlier. So I suppose my morning hour is the same as your lunch. I also have a firm “no coworker” rule on my facebook. If we’re working together – you won’t be on my facebook. Once we are no longer coworkers -game on tho! 🙂

    And I feel the need to add… I do have a successful career. I make a very good wage, been doing this for 12 years and most good bosses won’t care if you’re on facebook occasionally – if you’re getting your work done. You’re an adult – most bosses will treat you as such if you show them that you’re not abusing that privilege.

    Be careful with the guilt ninja. Yes – relationships take work, and perhaps these things aren’t bothersome now, but guilt and manipulation through guilt is something that can wear on a person over the long term. Is she aware that she does it? Could be a nice opportunity to help her grow – as she seems quite keen on helping you do the same.

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  5. I kind of see where she is coming from…When I was a librarian, I had SO much down time that I was wasting company money and was on all kinds of different websites. Now that I am in the mental health field, I have no time to do anything except work…I don’t even get breaks in cause I’m so busy. And I like it like that. So I think the goal should be to have a career when one is so passionate and dedicated to, that the last thing one wants to do is get on Facebook. But I can see if you are having a slow day, might as well get on facebook. There’s really nothing wrong with that as long as long as it’s not every day…so I guess I see where both of you are coming from =)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I understand her point: I’m newly employed again (6 months) my savings is depleted, I’m in a good account of debt… I’m making 20% led them my last full time gig… she wants me to be focused and excel

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  6. My corporate hardware won’t even let me access FB or Instagram if I’m on the corporate network. Even if I’m working from home, if I use the VPN all that stuff is a no go. But my own position is this – if my work is up to date, a quick browse at lunch on my phone won’t hurt, but no posting on what are meant to be active work hours. In today’s work climate, why risk it? More importantly, what is your companies policy? Never, ever violate that.

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  7. Regular browser, occasional commenter here….but you’ve mentioned before how Mona is the longest relationship you’ve had – are you sure that you’re not putting up with this ‘control’ just so you’re not single again? One partner suggesting to another that maybe they should curtail their BookFacing during working hours is one thing, but ‘making you swear off Facebook’? She’s not your Mom, and even if she was, you’re a grown-ass man who can schedule his own workday. Also, being annoyed at you for going through your savings while you were unemployed? What else were you meant to live on? Having said that, your discussions with her about your (plural) future did lead you to embark on all-out guerrilla warfare to get a job, which ultimately you did, so only you can decide if this aspect to her is something you can live with.
    I have noticed in your posts about Mona’s personality that you will start with something like ‘Mona [makes some sort of demand/ultimatum of you], but to be fair [you then try to defend her position]. What do you guys think?’ Dude, if you weren’t doubtful about the situation at hand you wouldn’t be posting about it.
    Look, nobody’s perfect and I know Mona has many great points too, and of course you love her. Just don’t let the fear of being single again (if that is part of it) lead you down a path of being stuck with someone who makes rigid, unfair demands of you because it suits them or they think it’s what you SHOULD be doing. I speak as someone who is only a couple of years younger than you, and a lifelong singleton.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hey thanks. All great points. Am i afraid of being single again? Might be some of that. I do also think she has a lot of great qualities. And i do go on Facebook a lot so i don’t really mind curtailing.

      That said, there’s a conversation that’s bound to happen soon

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m a professional adult. I occasionally browse Facebook from my personal cell phone throughout the work day. I sometimes even post or respond to a post. *gasp* I don’t see why it would be a big deal.

    The real issue here isn’t Facebook during work hours; it’s Mona’s control. I’m honestly surprised she thinks she can dictate how and when you spend your time online. She can live her life the way she wants to but she should not try to tell you how to live yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Mona has asked you to see a therapist and made you promise only to post to FB at certain times. What have you asked Mona to do? She seems to controlling to me. I’d give her the boot. What do you think it will be like if you’re married to her if she’s this controlling while dating?

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