Relationships

Pay attention to when she needs extra love

So Mona’s divorce is coming to a head. Like this week. The ex husband is moving out any day now. The kids have been prepped over many months and now they’ll be without their father for much of the week. It’s really tough. 

So i spent the weekend with Mona while the father had the kids. That was interesting. For the most part, it was a lot of fun.  Buuuuut, there were a few less fun times: 

She told me I don’t open up enough, I don’t talk about my feelings. That I joke around too much and I’m not serious enough. 

I don’t talk about my feelings? (Insert eye roll)

Then she told me she’s in no rush to get married again. Especially because, after being unemployed for an extended period of time, my savings dwindled down and my debt went up.  I’m not in a financial position to get married any time soon (yet she still let me pay for most things this weekend [2 dinners and a movie].)

This was actually a relief.  Not the fact that I’m on some hard financial times, but not rushing into marriage? Boom! 

This afternoon. She texts, says she’s having a panic attack because all of her circumstances are overwhelming her. I console her then drive somewhere. 

When I arrive 6:15pm, I check in.  She’s “not good, maybe a little better.” But THEN… I dropped out of communication and didn’t reply. Half hour later, she’s texts “oh I guess football got you.” I apologize, said i got distracted. No reply. I know she’s busy prepping kids for Monday. 

10:30pm I check in.  She’s furious at me for not replying when she said she was still not.  She has this running thing with me that I drop away when she’s going through problems. I think I’m there for her most of the times just fine but she only pays attention to the times when i space out a bit. Whatever. She still sees me through that filter. 

I apologize up and down.  Left and right. We got on the phone. I told her that I got distracted talking to my mom on the phone. Then other things in my life got my attention. 

She said I wasn’t checking in with her throughout the evening regarding her panic attacks. Ugh. I told her it was a mistake, I’m not perfect. Didn’t make a difference.  

She needed me.  I wasn’t there. I’m going to be the bad guy no matter what. There’s no point where she said “baby, i forgive you.”

I’m sure things will be fine.  Ups and down. 

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12 thoughts on “Pay attention to when she needs extra love

      1. I think it’s manipulative when someone uses their emotions or situations to try to garner a response from someone else, and then makes someone feel guilty when the action isn’t ultimately what they want. She wants what she wants, when she wants it. She says “jump” and you say “how high”. You’ve spoken of this behavior more than a few times and I simply don’t like it.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I’m guilty of expecting others to check on my emotional stability when it’s fragile instead of reaching out and saying I need support. I think a lot of people (read: women) are in the same boat. It’s a flaw that I need to work on, but at least I recognize it exists.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Are you a 12-year-old child? When you say “check in,” do you mean let her know what you’re doing or check on her emotional well being? If it’s the former, that’s insecurity. If it’s the latter, my comment still applies.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. She is very emotional right now and taking it out on you. You can only do so much and be there so much. She must take some responsibility for her actions. The “checking in” stuff is an insecurity and possessive issue. We are adults and life happens. You both will get through this unsettled time and if your love is strong enough the other stuff will work it self out. One day at a time. Don’t waste energy on the things that you can not control. Life is too short to get caught up in the trivial stuff.Get to whats most important and be as happy as you can.

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