Money, Relationships

My girlfriend and I just told each other our incomes

Ok ok, I haven’t even started my job,  but that still didn’t stop Mona from asking me how much I am about to make, saying that she needed a man who was her partner financially as well as emotionally. We’ve been together 14 months. I had some kind of job for six of those months. Ok I get it.

And… it took me off guard.

I needed to get talked off the ledge a bit, primarily because I was sensitive about my income. My recent offer was 20% lower than what I made at my last full time position.

After some hesitation, I told her.  And she was fine with it. I think. She said the way I’d been behaving was that it was much lower, in her interpretation.

And she told me hers.  It was exactly what I thought she’d say. More than twice what I’m about to make,  but I figured as much. No problem. I think.

Well, we broke that barrier anyway.  Things are still ok. I think.

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10 thoughts on “My girlfriend and I just told each other our incomes

  1. Its not an easy talk to have but one that has to be had. My ex made twice as much as me. I got used to that lifestyle. I am struggling now on my salary. I am looking for ways to make some extra $. Get a roommate or a part time job. The guy I am seeing is a real estate agent. we have not had “the Talk” yet but if we chose to live together, we will for sure. Glad you 2 are working it out and that you got a job. Things are looking up!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Coming from the perspective off the woman who earned more, I understand and Mona’s concerns are legit and if she’s a direct person like me, no answer except the “number” would satisfy me.

    It’s a hard conversation to have but you did it. The harder part is ensuring its ok with both of you if there comes a time to be together with more financial formality.

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  3. It bothers me a little to read this. I can’t pinpoint why, exactly. I mean, conversations about income are relevant for a number of reasons in a committed relationship.

    Perhaps it is the forcing of the issue. Part of me is like, “Can’t she just be happy for you for five minutes?” You were a long time without a job. Why, once you finally get one (YAY!), must she seek to assign you a monetary value? It just hits me wrong. You are more than your job, and you are worth far more than just the money you make.

    I recognize I bring my own experience to the reading of yours, and that it tints my lens in terms of how I view the situation.

    Also, I’ve always equated sharing details about finances to be something people only do willingly/voluntarily if they feel they are in a safe place. Maybe it makes me wonder how safe you’re feeling in your relationship, especially since you had to be “talked off a ledge.”

    A n y w a y

    Sorry to ramble. I don’t really have a clear point. It’s just that I got an icky feeling in my gut when I read this, which is not about you – it’s about me.

    Consider this me, thinking out loud. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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