Ok ok, I haven’t even started my job, but that still didn’t stop Mona from asking me how much I am about to make, saying that she needed a man who was her partner financially as well as emotionally. We’ve been together 14 months. I had some kind of job for six of those months. Ok I get it.
And… it took me off guard.
I needed to get talked off the ledge a bit, primarily because I was sensitive about my income. My recent offer was 20% lower than what I made at my last full time position.
After some hesitation, I told her. And she was fine with it. I think. She said the way I’d been behaving was that it was much lower, in her interpretation.
And she told me hers. It was exactly what I thought she’d say. More than twice what I’m about to make, but I figured as much. No problem. I think.
Well, we broke that barrier anyway. Things are still ok. I think.
Its not an easy talk to have but one that has to be had. My ex made twice as much as me. I got used to that lifestyle. I am struggling now on my salary. I am looking for ways to make some extra $. Get a roommate or a part time job. The guy I am seeing is a real estate agent. we have not had “the Talk” yet but if we chose to live together, we will for sure. Glad you 2 are working it out and that you got a job. Things are looking up!
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It’s a question I’d have to ask myself. Would I be ok with a woman who made more than me? Also would she be ok with a man whose income couldn’t match her’s?
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I really don’t care about a woman making more than me. This is 2016. Many people have great incomes, many don’t.
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Also her ex husband also made less. She’s said she doesn’t need a man to match or exceed her, but needs a man who has his own thriving career. is improving still and is espadrille with money
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Coming from the perspective off the woman who earned more, I understand and Mona’s concerns are legit and if she’s a direct person like me, no answer except the “number” would satisfy me.
It’s a hard conversation to have but you did it. The harder part is ensuring its ok with both of you if there comes a time to be together with more financial formality.
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Yeah she needs a man who has his own profession, doesn’t need to match or exceed her (her not yet ex husband didn’t exceed her.) AND she needs a man who’s responsible with money. Very important.
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Agreed. You’re good 🙂
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It bothers me a little to read this. I can’t pinpoint why, exactly. I mean, conversations about income are relevant for a number of reasons in a committed relationship.
Perhaps it is the forcing of the issue. Part of me is like, “Can’t she just be happy for you for five minutes?” You were a long time without a job. Why, once you finally get one (YAY!), must she seek to assign you a monetary value? It just hits me wrong. You are more than your job, and you are worth far more than just the money you make.
I recognize I bring my own experience to the reading of yours, and that it tints my lens in terms of how I view the situation.
Also, I’ve always equated sharing details about finances to be something people only do willingly/voluntarily if they feel they are in a safe place. Maybe it makes me wonder how safe you’re feeling in your relationship, especially since you had to be “talked off a ledge.”
A n y w a y
Sorry to ramble. I don’t really have a clear point. It’s just that I got an icky feeling in my gut when I read this, which is not about you – it’s about me.
Consider this me, thinking out loud. 🙂
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I was in a space where it was like “can you give me some time to breathe” but whatever.
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Yeah if I said a low # it would have been different
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