So after a couple days of fighting over the phone and text, we did in person.
It started over my lack of desire to see her therapist about issues I might have getting in the way of me thriving professionally, or just getting a job, or just being responsible with money.
Then the discussion became she can’t trust me. My actions don’t match my words.
That hurt. Not that it was mean but because it was true.
“We” are important to me. Yet when my last freelance job ended I didn’t jump into getting a part time job. And I could have always upped my urgency in getting a full time job.
She said that I don’t want what she wants because I’m not acting like it. I’m all talk.
There were many times that I almost walked out which would have ended the relationship because I refuse to incur the cost of therapy right now.
Yeah or was a pretty humiliating conversation. She wants to live a big life, travel the world at some point and just have nice things, but my complacency is not congruent with that. And she needs a man to partner with her on that. And she wants that to be me. I haven’t met her kids yet. Yes, her divorce isn’t final but even if it was I wouldn’t meet them yet.
I don’t have a job. How would that look?
And I don’t want to see her therapist now because it’s not covered by Medicaid (which I’m on) and it would cost $150 a session. And I’m living off savings at the moment.
(I’m trying not to curse/swear for a week)
After hours, we came to an agreement: I’ll bust my ass to get back on track, and will go to therapy when I am. I’ll make it work. Therapy couldn’t hurt.
Ultimately, we really don’t want to break up. We’re too good together and she needs me to fight for myself and hence fight for US.
Yes, it was embarrassing and humiliating for me.
I’ve added applying to retail and things completely out of my realm. So far Home Depot, Best Buy, Staples. Tomorrow I’ll apply for a case worker for following up with psych patients. FAR OUT of my digital ad research field but transferable skills. And interesting. And from what I can tell doesn’t have specific requirements. Working at a hospital. The money is half what I made in my last full time gig, but it would be a step in a new direction, which may be just the thing I need.
Plus a cousin used to be a nurse at that hosptial so it might be an in. My family has/had many doctors in it. So working at a hospital feels kinda cool.