Well, this had to happen.
Mona called me out for not finding a job yet and not finding a side job to help me get by in the meantime.
I can’t say I blame her.
After my freelance job stopped giving me work as of January, I’ve sent over 130 applications out. I’ve had countless interviews. Some got to a second interview. A few to a third.
I’ve gotten zero offers.
A couple seemed really good like I’d go further in the process. But I didn’t. She’s doesn’t understand why I’m not getting hired.
She doesn’t undestand why I can’t get my shit together.
And in the meantime I have not been hustling to find side work- a restaurant, a retail store, a deli. I’ve been saying that I need to for a while and I’ve only started making inquiries. Shame has paralyzed me.
She’s concerned. She’s worried. Can’t say I blame her.
I’ve been ok depleting my savings, there’s been no fire to fill in the gap, to find alternate ways to cover expenses. No urgency.
She asked me why, accused me of being complacent, and I had to be honest that she was right, it was complacency. Depression too.
She asked me how I can afford the get drinks, etc with friends. I came clean that quite often friends pay for me. Heck even this evening I visited friends to see their dog. We ordered thai delivery. They paid.
What an absolutely humiliating conversation to have. I wouldn’t be surprised if her attraction to me has been completely assassinated.
She’s a hustler in life and can’t be with someone who’s not.
No, she didn’t break up with me. But I’m pretty sure it was an ultimatum. We’ve gotten serious and she’s now evaluating my long term potential. I completely understand. Can’t blame her.
Wow, this really sucks. Like really bad. This is awful. An awakening to be sure. A necessary one. Yet awful.
Nothing TO do but use it as a lesson, I suppose.