The Most Embarrassing Conversation with my Girlfriend

Well, this had to happen.

Mona called me out for not finding a job yet and not finding a side job to help me get by in the meantime.

I can’t say I blame her.

After my freelance job stopped giving me work as of January, I’ve sent over 130 applications out. I’ve had countless interviews. Some got to a second interview. A few to a third.

I’ve gotten zero offers.

A couple seemed really good like I’d go further in the process. But I didn’t. She’s doesn’t understand why I’m not getting hired.

She doesn’t undestand why I can’t get my shit together.

And in the meantime I have not been hustling to find side work- a restaurant, a retail store, a deli. I’ve been saying that I need to for a while and I’ve only started making inquiries. Shame has paralyzed me.

She’s concerned.  She’s worried. Can’t say I blame her.

I’ve been ok depleting my savings, there’s been no fire to fill in the gap, to find alternate ways to cover expenses. No urgency.

She asked me why, accused me of being complacent,  and I had to be honest that she was right, it was complacency. Depression too.

She asked me how I can afford the get drinks, etc with friends. I came clean that quite often friends pay for me. Heck even this evening I visited friends to see their dog. We ordered thai delivery. They paid.

What an absolutely humiliating conversation to have. I wouldn’t be surprised if her attraction to me has been completely assassinated.

She’s a hustler in life and can’t be with someone who’s not.

No, she didn’t break up with me. But I’m pretty sure it was an ultimatum. We’ve gotten serious and she’s now evaluating my long term potential. I completely understand.  Can’t blame her.

Wow, this really sucks. Like really bad. This is awful. An awakening to be sure. A necessary one. Yet awful.

Nothing TO do but use it as a lesson, I suppose.


  1. Life is tough and it’s hard to get on your feet. I’m sure she loves you but it’s hard to be with someone if you feel like they are giving up. Keep applying and ask friends for help. Also, look at what you can do online for money. I’ve been looking at freelance writing. There’s no shame in falling down as long as you get up. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry, but I agree with her. Life is hard enough, relationships are work. The 2 biggest things couples fight about are money and sex. We need both. I was thinking the same thing about you and why you haven’t found something temporary until you found something more permanent. Good luck, I am routing for you and your relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. If Mona can’t motivate you, what will? I understand your position, but there’s a point where you just gotta say fuck it, swallow your pride and do what’s necessary. It sucks, but I’m sure you can manage your way past this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I so understand and feel your pain about the employment situation! I have applied for hundreds of jobs over the last 3 years, many that I am way over qualified for – yet I get few interviews and NO offers. I am almost 55, and look maybe 45ish, and am quite capable to do many things. I certainly understand the issues with complacency, humiliation, shame, feelings of failure, depression – living that myself. BUT don’t give up . . . not sure what’s ahead . . . work as hard as you can, but don’t kick yourself when you’re down – if you’re anything like us, you would be working if you could!! Some things we just can’t control – I have been trying to focus on the things that I can. Good luck, GR!!

    Liked by 1 person

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