So today was a bad day. Emotionally. I rarely get like that but searching and applying for jobs for months to no avail can be pretty draining. “My savings is dwindling. I’m going to have to take at least a part time job to start helping. Or temping. Why haven’t I done that sooner? Oh Geez. I’m in a tight spot. It’s getting hard to not be mad at myself. What the fuck have I done to my life?”
You get the point. It was bad. Really bad.
And I was all ready to write an elaborate “woe is me” blog post. I hate to do that because that gives my breakdown life, and I hate to be negative in writing. So why write now? Keep reading, True Believer.
I asked God for a sign. Some sign. Preferably one to hit me in between the eyes and just tell me what to do. But signs are rarely work like that. I actually said at some point “Jesus take the wheel.” I’m not even very religious anymore. I am more spiritual. I’m sure God gets annoyed that people get religious in times of hardship.
So… at some point I was cleaning my dishes, and a mug that I was barely rubbing, rubbing it very lightly… the handle fell off.
I turned it over and it was the mug I got at my last company, the company that laid me off in 2014.
I started laughing. The mug from the company I no longer work for now no longer works for ME.
That gave me pause, it felt like the circle is now complete. Gave me any odd sense of closure. And the first thought that came to mind?
“Fuck them. THEY’RE the ones that fucked up. Not me.”
Gave me an odd focus. I then threw out the couple t shirts with their logo that I still have. Tomorrow I’ll throw out the rest of the shwag, I think I just have some thumb drives.
Now, I’m still going to be applying, interviewing. I may even get that part-time job. But I am definitely in a more powerful state of mind. Fuck them. I’ll show them I AM worthy of a job and a thriving, prospering, flourishing career. I do great work. I have a high value.
Round 5. FIGHT!