I don’t know about you, but historically I’m weird about accepting generosity.
“Oh you don’t have to, really. I’m fine. Keep it for yourself… You sure I can have it? Only if you’re positive” and so on. And then I take whatever it is I’m offered.
Anyone else do this?
So why the initial reaction?
Though I wasn’t conscious of it, it’s because accepting generosity is awkward. Maybe it’s because of pride, makes my pride hurt, makes me feel inferior, like I can’t handle something on my own. Maybe I don’t feel worthy. Or maybe just it’s done for ceremonia.
That’s pronounced /cheremonia/ (with the rolled r.) It’s an Italian word my mom uses. Like it’s part of the ceremony of whatever the situation is. As in, before I accept something I have to make a big deal first.
Now the more touchy feely way to coach around this is “You’re actually ripping off another person of their kindness” which is true, I guess.
But bottom line, it’s annoying. I’ve learned to say “thank you” immediately and just shut the heck up.
Case in point:
Lately I’ve been the target of MANY kind offers, many, I’m sure, because they know I’m out of work:
-My Aunt Clara called out of the blue and said she has a membership to a massage chain and can’t use them all so she’s giving me a free massage. That is, a free pass to get a massage there. She won’t be giving me a massage herself. That’s not what I’m saying : )
Thanks, Aunt Clara. Very generous.
-My friend, Justin, offered his apt so I could take a phone interview there. I was in the city already and needed to be in the city later that evening and going home to Brooklyn just to go back into the city later would have been a pain in the ass. He wasn’t even there but he left the key with the doorman.
Thanks, Justin. Very kind of you.
-My niece, Annie, was in Europe recently and bought me souvenirs. In Vienna she bought old American comic books but they were IN GERMAN.
Thanks, Annie! They are SO COOL!
-I went to a very fancy steak place this weekend with a friend, Quinn, the other day. It was his Victory Steak dinner for getting a job.
“Thanks, bud. I’ll return the favor during MY Victory Steak dinner when I land a job.
-“Hey Rex, want to take home some Easter leftovers?”
“Yes please, thank you.”
-Many friends have bought me drinks while out.
“Thanks, all. Beer’s on me when I get back on my feet.”
-The latest, my friend Bill sent this message, that he’ll pay for drinks until I receive my first paycheck:
Thanks, Bill. I appreciate it.
I am the happy recipient of generosity these days. Perhaps I always am but I’m more aware of it because money is tight these days.
A. I’m EXTREMELY thankful for it.
B. I’m no longer weird by it. “Thank you for your generosity” is enough. I just let everybody express goodness in the world.