family, Life

Parallel Regrets

My uncle finally got a smart phone… and a tablet too… and asked me to come over to help him set it up and tutor him on how they work.

No prob, Unc. We went over it, had a nice time.  He’s in his early 60s, never married,  no kids.

We had lunch afterwards. After the usual bs about sports and the family,  he shared with me about a particular health insurance plan geared towards paying for potential nursing home costs in his old age.

He also mentioned the care he would need to get by family members like cousins, my siblings and me. I could tell he was sad as he mentioned not having kids of his own, to be the primary care givers.

We tend to forget that, for all of the benefits of having children,  one of them us to care for us when we get old.

I’m in my early 40s, haven’t married yet,  no kids. This conversation was not lost on me. It’s something I realized only recently as my siblings and parents have started discussing about caring for one parent once the other passes away.

Lately I’ve realized that I’m not going to have kids- that I’ve passed my time, too old to start, they’re too expensive at this point, I have a hard enough time finding a connection with a woman to date long term, etc.

Plus the fact that Mona’s factory is closed, not that we’re talking marriage but she’s made that very clear so if things go further I should know what to expect.

I’d hate to be a burden to my nieces and nephews. I feel Unc’s pain. Is there anything I can do about it? Do I want to? Will I regret not doing it? An important question I need to answer ASAP.

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10 thoughts on “Parallel Regrets

  1. I have two friends who made very different decisions regarding relationships and having children. One has a divorce and baggage but she got her kids. The other never found the right person and now at 42 is trying to have a child solo without success. I would encourage you to think about what it is that appeals to you about having kids – some only want their own biological ones and others don’t care. Depending on what you really want, there are many options :))

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  2. Age is only a number, how you mentally and emotionally feel are a more important factor when it comes to having children. Finances are also a consideration but if you wait until “you have enough money” then you will probably never have children. It is something you learn (perhaps not) to budget for as time goes on.

    In regards to care when you get older, my Mother-in-Law is a good example. She has already saved, set money aside and booked an assisted living facility for when the time comes and she is unable to take care of herself. All this she did ears ago because she “did not want to be a burden” on her children. When her husband was sick, she already had insurance and everything in place so he had in-home care the whole time until he passed away.

    So you do have options, you just need to explore what is out there locally.

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  3. Hey GR – when I was working the insurance stuff last year, the guy I was working with sold Long Term Care insurance – that’s the insurance you are talking about that covers you if you have to go to the nursing home or sometimes in home care. It’s not real cheap – depending on age & health. Most of the customers he targeted were over age 50, but even the ones in good health had premiums that equaled a car note each month. Just something to think about . . . especially while you are younger.

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