Relationships

At least we worked it out before I blogged about it

So Mona has a colonoscopy tomorrow.  The facility is going to pick her up. I’m going to meet her there for a hug and kiss before her procedure and to take her home.

So tonight,  she’s taking superduper laxatives to clear her out. Started taking them at 4pm I think. We texted until 615 or so. Then we had a little break where we just stopped texting.

Around 9 I checked in to see how the cleanse was going.  “I thought you forgot about me,” she replied.

UGH. We last discussed it like 3 hours ago. “But you didn’t ask how I was.”

UGH. No I didn’t use those words, but we WERE  discussing it.

OH GOOD GRIEF. I need to use the exact words she wants me to use?

She was entertained by her phone and iPad as she went to the bathroom.  “Was hoping that you would have entertained me more”

OH COME ON. Normally when I’m wrong I will take responsibity, make her right and we move on pretty quickly.

But now… I was angry too.
A. She has fingers and a phone too and could reach out
B. I’m not a mind reader
C. I can’t go three hours without checking in? She was cleansing not putting out a fire
D. I was doing things in my apartment
E. Don’t expect me to act like a women who have the ability of diffused awareness and can keep their minds on many things at once.  Men single focus, let me be a man. And focusing on other things for a while is ok.

Yes I know she’s having a procedure tomorrow.  She’s not nervous about that yet, so she says. Yes,  I know she doesn’t have a great adult support in the house as she’s separated.

But come on… is this really something she had to make me wrong and give me grief for? As always, if she admitted (preferably playfully) to being high maintenance or a pain then all would be forgiven. But nothing.

My commitment is that we don’t ever go to bed mad so I asked to talk it out. She said she couldn’t because she was going to the bathroom at a second’s notice. “I’m fine,” she said.

“Well, I’m not,” was my reply. So I had a settle for texting.

“Please do not expect me to be able to meet the expectations that I have no idea that you have,” I wrote.

We went back and forth a bit. It was text so it really went nowhere. Look, I’ll freely make her right. Usually I’m in the wrong somehow so no need to make excuses.

However,  when something is imporant to me I won’t shy away. And this was important to me.

We eventually started taking about her procedure,  driving there tomorrow in the freezing rain,  and got off our horses. I admitted “I know we had a miscommunication but it doesn’t change the fact the I love you very much” and we ended with our usual “I love you” “I love you more”-type thing.

Eh overall everything is great. Misunderstandings and miscommunication happens. The greater commitment is more important.  She’s my primary person. (My step-father described my Mom as that recently and I stole the term.)

I’m sure this blog post will get responses saying how much I’m In the wrong. My blog friends once told me how wrong I was when she got mad when I didn’t walk her to her car (which I now admit I was wrong) so I’m sure I’ll hear it again.

But at least we’re having arguments and staying focused and committed to the big picture. And I’m not afraid to push back if I have a case, I’m not being worried that of get her upset or lose her if my opinion differs from hers. I’m in the game.

I do like this progress.

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14 thoughts on “At least we worked it out before I blogged about it

  1. Eh. *shrug*

    You’re not wrong. You’re not a mind reader.

    And she’s not wrong for wanting your attention, but she’s an adult and responsible for communicating that to you.

    No blame necessary. You both got your thoughts and feelings out in the open and you didn’t go to bed angry. That’s what’s important.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Happy Christmas mate. I was one of the blog friends who didn’t agree with the not walking to the car thing. But THIS-i agree with you completely. Yeah she’s your primary person. Its good you took a 3 hour break-you probably needed it. Good you made up too. Am sure it will go well for her. I used to work in an endoscopy ward-colonoscopy’s are pretty straightforward procedures and cleansing beforehand is a necessary evil.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As a woman, I have to remind myself all the time that my primary person can’t read my mind. If I need or want something from him, I need to ask. When I do, he almost always comes through. But when he tries to guess what I want or need, that rarely works out well. I have to admit though, that I sometimes forget that when there are medical procedures in the offing. Not sure if I hesitate to ask because I don’t want to seem less than strong or what stupid reason I would attribute it to, but a scheduled medical procedure has never once turned the primary person into a mind reader.

    Also, texting can be a godsend or a nightmare, depending on the situation. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are not wrong. The phone works in more than one direction and expecting others to keep in touch is silly if we aren’t letting them know we want to talk.

    Like

  5. GR – you crack me up – “She was cleansing not putting out a fire” . . . 😉 A colonoscopy can be most unpleasant, especially the cleansing . . . and I’m sure she was nervous, even if she didn’t admit it. Catching up with you this evening 🙂 Happy New Year, BTW!! WE are going to get good jobs this year – we just have to!!!!!

    Like

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