I struggle very well. That’s a weird statement, I realize that.  But it’s accurate. I make things difficult for myself, I can be distracted easily, unfocused at key times, lazy, disorganized,  etc.

It’s not like I AM those things. But I can BE those ways of being quite often. And they create struggle. Not getting ahead, staying in a rut, etc.

I realize that saying things like this isn’t something we normally do. We normally put in a “it’s all great” mask.

Fuck it. This blog is anonymous and only a few friends may check it. I’m pretty positive that Mona doesn’t know about it.

So fuck it.

To be honest, I’m good at it. It’s  unconscious by now,  it really is.  Just the way I do things often. I believe we all get in a groove of how we do things, and that’s our lives.

I had a recent epiphany. Ok maybe not epiphany,  but definitely a realization recently,  having been with family for the holidays.  All those things are deeply ingrained in my family.  And they inherited them from their families and so on and so on.

And it’s time I choose success, hard work, optimism, accomplishment, strength, confidence.  In ways like never before.

Just focus on success,  and focus on success. Then when I’m done… focus on success some more. Repeat,  repeat,  repeat.

I do have to give up the ways I do things and adopt new ways. Which is difficult at first but very possible.

I’m looking forward… smiling, strutting, hand on hips, arms akimbo. Fighting. Making my life happen as I want it to go.

It’s about time.