Asking vs Questioning

Ok so yesterday, I asked my boss some questions.  I mean, I ask questions all of the time but I asked some yesterday specifically.

Today she called me and said that she thought I was questioning her authority and doubting her judgement.

Ugh. Not again.  We’ve been doing so well lately.

I told her I was merely asking questions for clarify, as if I was in a conversation even though it’s on email. For example,  she asked me to do something via email  and I replied “Really? We do that?  I didn’t think we would because of (X reason.)”

But that’s doubting her in her eyes. It’s also a waste of her time as she says because she’s so busy,  yaddayaddayadda. I can see that, but she can at least try to have some social graces.

No, I guess not. I’m not to engage in interaction with her that’s remotely conversational via text or IM because she doesn’t have the time.

Another instance was on a conference call she was doing role(roll?) call and she didn’t say one person’s name, who’s on the west coast but yesterday said she’d be available for the early call.

“What about Stacey?” I asked while in the call.

“Don’t worry about her.”

She took that as my implying that she’s not doing something right,  instead of me giving a reminder and just checking. She already arranged to speak with Stacey separately, so my statement detracted from the conversation.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! How the hell was I supposed to know that. I CAN’T READ MINDS, DAMMIT!

You know, I’ve gotten to the point when I can tell my girlfriend that “I can’t read her mind” but I’m not there with my boss. I actually could have yesterday,  i think, but it didn’t occur to me.

So when she speaks,  we’re to shut up and only ask questions and comments of a certain type, but not like it’s a conversation.  She refers to her explaining actions for a project as “commands” and “do as you’re told.”

There’s no negotiating,  no adding my point of view or opinion.

She even added words about “maybe this isn’t the right place for you.”

(Big inhale… big sigh)

I heard her out and owned up to my actions having effects on her that were completely NOT my intention and that I like the company,  the work is interesting and I think I’m doing a good job.

And she said “You know, I’m sorry. I can see you meant no harm and I blew things out of proportion.”

Actually, that’s a lie. She did not say that, not anything like that whatsoever.  That would have changed the entire relationship for the better.

But my comments seemed to settle things.

I actually then added my input on how else to save time: the people on the  team need to stop replying to all on emails when they’re just saying “ok,” “got it” or “thanks.” That’s always a thorn in my side.



  1. Cooler heads will prevail. I recently, within this past week, had to make a similar decision whether to address something I interpreted (as did the rest of the office and the entire human race) as confrontational, disrespectful and unnecessary from my boss. In the end, I’m a “pick my battles” type of guy and this one didn’t meet “battle criteria”, so I let it go. Figure out where your line in the sand is, don’t cross it and don’t let her either. Best of luck, buddy!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Perhaps she’s feels threatened by your skills, abilities and talents. I’m under contract to a large corporation. My “boss” is across the pond. I think he’s an idiot but I just bite my tongue. The local employees think he’s incompetent too. I try to stay out of office drama. The gig pays well and I want to ride the cash cow until it goes to the slaughter house.

    Liked by 2 people

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