Relationships

Great date, bad communication

So yesterday Mona and I had some cool excursions. We went to Governor’s Island in New York Harbor. Once it was a military post, now… I’m not quite sure what it is besides a tourist destination…. but it’s a great place to rent bikes, see a great view of NYC, Brookyn, Jersey City and the Statue of Liberty

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So we did, in fact, rent bikes, and we rode all over the small island.  We laid about and had a fun time bantering, cracking wise, seeing the city…

We got the 3pm ferry so we didn’t have to much time there before the 545pm ferry back.

I then showed her the Elevated Acre in lower Manhattan, a cool terrace area near the East River where there’s a short boardwalk where you can look onto the heliport, the river and Downtown Brooklyn.

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It was at that point,  I started loading some pics from Governor’s Island onto Facebook… pics of me, alone. We had also taken pics of the two of us but I didn’t want to upload those. Mona was my Facebook friend before we started dating. I told her I wasn’t ready to put “couple” pictures. I think I said that, anyway. I also said that even though she’s separated, she’s still married (and living with him) and it made me uncomfortable.

Commence: the silent treatment.

We walked a bit to dinner and at some point I sat us down to talk this through and apologized for hurting her feelings. Not really sure that was appropriate but a woman once told me that “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings,” said with meaning, reboots, defrags and starts healing. She said that I didn’t have to give reasons,  that saying I wasn’t ready was fine.

Then we walked to the dinner spot like nothing happened.

Someplace in lower Manhattan on the water, drinks and dinner were great(I had Lobster Mac and Cheese). And more views of Jersey City and the Statue of Liberty. (The pics below were taken during another trip to this place.)

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But wait, there’s more. I wanted to show her one of my favorite places in Manhattan,  the nearby North Cove Marina on the water by the World Financial Center. It was a short fifteen minute walk,  the sun was still up, there were some big fancy boats there (all from the Cayman Islands, go figure) and we saw,  yes, the Statue of Liberty and Jersey City AGAIN. And the Freedom Tower. .

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Ok, we probably should have gone home at that point. It was around 8pm. But my friend “Kevin” tends at a nearby hotel rooftop deck, so we went there for a drink and enjoying the scenery.

After a drink,  we took the subway home and had some happy fun time before going to bed. It was the end of her “comma” as I call it (ok ok, her period) but we made it work. Afterwards, she didn’t quite get a comment that I made about sex and…

Commence: silent treatment.

We have a great physical relationship so the silence lasted only a few minutes.

The next morning, she had to leave 545am to be home before her kids wake up. I was very tired and didn’t think I had to walk her to her car. I live in an apartment building. I live in a safe neighborhood. She was parked on my block. It was already light out. It didn’t even occur to me to walk her to her car.

Commence: silent treatment

Oh come on, really?

Ok ok damage control.  I threw some clothes on and ran after her and walked to the car in silence, until she told me that I didn’t HAVE TO do anything but it would have been nice if I WANTED to walk her out.

I told her that I was shocked that she didn’t insist that I stay in and go back to bed since it was ridiculously early. We kissed emotionless but lead to a little making out. Then she drove away.

I couldn’t fall back asleep.  It was bothering me, so I blogged asking for opinions (it’s since been erased). Concensus of the four women replying was that I was a dumbass. I’ve gotten other opinions since, some that matched my original opinion, but at the moment..

I caved. Since I’ve never done well in relationships, my go-to reaction is that I’m wrong and she’s right. Probably not the greatest frame of mind. I have no intention on being a wuss in a relationship. I have to be mindful of that, not to be a weenie or compromise my terms. That’s not attractive.

Also, as I’ve blogged about a while ago, I don’t need to “be right” inasmuch that I want the argument to be OVER.

I texted (she can’t talk on the phone when she had the kids), apologized and said I’d prioritize speaking to her later to clear the air. We spoke that evening after our respective July 4th festivities and the kids went to bed. I apologized and we quickly moved on and made plans for this coming week.

Ugh. Yep. Relationships are work.

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35 thoughts on “Great date, bad communication

  1. Sometimes I think, as complicated as being married is, it still is less so than trying to figure out budding relationships. What I have learned from my wife is that, even though she wants me to treat her as a strong and independent woman (she is), she still likes the “white knight” treatment to make her feel special. So even after almost 13 years of marriage, I still open doors for her, pull out chairs and hold hands when we walk.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Was in NY in 1976. Got to go to Statue of Liberty in the crown , the arm and torch was still being fortified. Ft Hamilton too being restored for Bicentennial. Some colonial village too I don’t remember name. Back again for a few days in 1985. Hit Tavern on the Green and Vanessa’s in the Village. They thought I was big shot D’Agostino of grocery store chain and was treated like royalty. Well I’m a D’Agostino but not related. I played it to the max-easiest con job ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t think she should have been upset that you didn’t get up and walk her out at 545am….that is way TOOO early and to expect that, to me, it sounds a little too high maintance and demanding. It also totally makes sense on why you didn’t post pics on facebook. Yes, relationships are hard work!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Let me throw my female perspective in here. I myself, if in the position to where it was 5:45 AM and I had to walk to my car, well It’s too damn early for anyone to be out, let alone walk me to my car. There is a reason why key chain mase was made.

    Now as to the weird communication that it would seem you both are having….

    She’s been married(well still is), so she already knows what she is expecting and wants out of life. If you guys have been dating more than 6 months and you still haven’t met her children, you are just sex. I have been through the dating scene with someone who has children. You sound like the rebound guy.

    Not only do you have to make her feel like a priority in your life, but she has to as well, otherwise your relationship will go down the drain.

    This may sound super weird, but there is a thing that woman have called the “reward system”. The more that you do things that make us feel like we are a priority such as holding our purse in the mall, or doing the dishes, giving us massages, and acting interested to what we are into, we normally in turn will give you a reward, whether it be amazing sex, to beyond amazing oral… etc…. The so called “White Knight” system is basically just rewarding you men to do what we want. It’s how we manage to get you guys trained to do whatever our whim is, whether it be getting tampons and chocolate or watching the stupidest romance movie that is out.

    In return, us females will do the reward system with you, without you knowing. SUch as we act interested in sports, cars, etc… and expect you to give us rewards such as the white knight treatment.. i.e. opening doors, buying dinner, and whatnot.

    Compromising works, but you both have to compromise.

    (FYI you were not a dick for not wanting to get out to walk someone to their car at the crack of freaking dawn…)

    Okay. I think I gave you all something to think about….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand the reward system, hey that’s life. But sex as a reward is paltry. Er have sex anyway. I’ve had great oral and the difference between that and what I’m getting now isn’t that big a deal.

      Like

  5. Agree with Kdesherlia.

    How come Mona is still living with her ex? Why can’t you speak on the phone when she’s with her kids? It seems natural that you want to hold back a bit when her life is so complicated. Seems that she needs to sort out her marital situation before you get further involved with her…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She’s still living with him because they’ve only been separated like 4 months. It is proceeding, though.

      And her kids are young. When she has them she had to interact with them all the time.

      Like

  6. You’re totally right for not posting pics on Facebook together. She’s still legally married and FB is too open to the public. Plus, I hate people posting things with me in it without my consent. But I think she just wants to make sure you’re not embarrassed about being with her.

    You’re not a dick. You seem like you give lots of thought to things and genuinely care about people. But a man should always be a gentleman. And part of that is walking her down to her car no matter the time. Yes, it’s inconvenient but you always win with it. If a man shows concern for my safety and wellbeing, I always feel like he cares about me and will be a good protecter. Whether true or not, chivalry is good and I think usually appreciated because it stands out these days. (And a women needs to take care of her man as well, not just one way. She needs to make you feel like you’re the best.) 😉

    I’m glad you’re having fun with Mona. It’s good she’s kept your attention and you seem to be enjoying even these little lessons.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m getting opinions from women from both sides of the fence here. They I should always walk her out, that at 545am she should let me go back to bed. I’ll opt on the side of caution and will go with your opinion.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol, smart man! 😉

        All jokes aside, I think caution and safety are always good. Although it’s a safe neighborhood, you at least know nothing happened on your watch.

        Lastly, captain oftentimes stays the night and leaves like at 4:30 am to drive the hour home to get ready for an early day of work. Although I’m exhausted at the time, I always stay up talking to him on the phone the entire commute. It might be silly and he always tells me to go back to bed but he knows that if he’s making a sacrifice so am I. And I know it means a lot to him since it makes his drive a quicker one and I don’t worry about him falling asleep on the road. So, in the end, I think he feels special and not taken for granted. So, that’s kind of the concept I’m trying to share. If this is the courting and honeymoon phase, it’s always good to make each other feel like a million bucks. And, frankly, with your Italian upbringing and thoughtfulness, I can really see you being good at it. 🙂 good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Ok. Hang in there. It gets better. You learn from your mistakes. Please read that again mate. Can’t believe you even contemplated NOT walking her to her car. But you did. So, yeah for you. As for the comment from kdesherlia….er…I would ignore it or delete it. She is not seeing the bigger picture. Key chain mace? Please keep in mind it is her perspective NOT the female perspective. And for that, I am so very grateful. Not ‘downing’ you kdesherlia just don’t agree withya.

    Like

    1. Hey you. Your opinion isn’t necessarily “the female opinion.” It’s just yours. I’m getting opinions on both sides if the aisle. That said, I’m leaning on the side of caution and yes will walk he to her car.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wait. Did you think just because I didn’t just say “you’re right. I agree with you” that I told you off? Hey you didn’t agree with me and I didn’t say anything about where you’re from or your gender. That’s bs.

        Like

  8. Mr. Rex,
    First and foremost, ‘…my go-to reaction is that I’m wrong and she’s right.’ My dear, why so hard on yourself? You did absolutely every thing perfectly, according to your side of the story…honesty, sincerity and yes you were the complete gentleman.
    ‘I don’t need to “be right” inasmuch that I want the argument to be OVER. ‘ If only more people could see this way…you have so much wisdom and selfless gears in your make up Rex. You should see yourself anything but a ‘wuss’.
    To be completely candid…any woman who treats their [dating] partner like a psychic is a red flag for trusting issues. How can someone expect you to be everything she/he wants when they don’t even know how to voice it(usually it is because they hardly know themselves). 😉
    Rex, you are a gem, a rare gem.

    ~slave bri

    Liked by 1 person

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