family, humor

The Oddest Thing I Heard at the Funeral

That sounds like the title of an Off-Off Broadway comedy.

Anyway, yesterday was my great-aunt’s funeral. I met my family at the funeral home, we said our goodbyes and such. We went to the church for the official ceremony. 

After which we consolidated people into cars and drove to the cemetery,  actually very close to where I grew up. I hopped in my cousin “Jake”‘s car. I forget how we’re related. He’s something like my dad’s step-second cousin.

Now Jake is of my dad’s generation, I think he’s in his low 60’s. He’s a retired lawyer, very successful. I see him only a few times a year at holidays, if that. We normally don’t talk too much. He actually just got a quadruple bypass. I’m not sure why his wife wasn’t at the funeral,  but it was just him, so I rode with him.

The conversation was constant and fairly light.  Sports, then mentioned an idea he had for a particular product that he might pursue now that he has the time of being retired.

Then he said something else harmless and random,  saying “these are the things I think of now that I’m retired.”

THEN he said, very deadpan “You know what else I’ve been thinking of? Superman and Lois Lane.” My eyebrow raised. “How do they have sex?  When he ejaculates, it must come out at 180 miles per hour.”

Then he parked and we continued with the funeral.

Now everyone knows I used to do stand-up so they like to be funny around me, it’s almost like a wacky type of flirting. I’m assuming that was the case.

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10 thoughts on “The Oddest Thing I Heard at the Funeral

  1. I saw a video/comedy with a superman character who had that problem. It was an interesting gag to add to the plot. I can’t remember the name of it. People say the weirdest things at funerals. I avoid them whenever possible.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That story reminds me of an incident recently.

    I was coming into my building, having been out all morning and part of the afternoon doing exercise routines at a senior’s center and music ministry at a local soup kitchen. It had been a very busy morning. I hadn’t had a lot of sleep the night before. I was carrying a heavy accordion, and I was tired. Not thinking, I let out a big sigh as I walked towards the elevator.

    The manager smiled. Another fellow who was going by just then commented, “That sounded like you had an orgasm.”

    I retorted quickly, “Not likely”, and got in the elevator. It was definitely not an appropriate comment for that context, not unlike your story. Maybe I should just have ignored the comment, but the words were out of my mouth before I knew it πŸ˜‰

    I was a little taken aback at the time, but it seems funny now, when I think of it. I saw the fellow again today, but he studiously ignored me and seemed more than a little uncomfortable. Maybe he found out from the manager that he was talking to a lady who was a pastor/missionary.

    Haha! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

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