Date #4: talking about kids, meeting Dancers with the Stars and rocking out to a band

As I re-read I’m realizing that my Magic Dating 8 Ball is probably looking like this regarding this woman:

“Lucy” and I were going to go to a friend’s singing gig in Jersey City, but it was freezing out and we just wanted to stay local. She’s not yet comfortable having a date at an apartment, so we went to the restaurant that Date #1 was at. A great Japanese place just a block from her place.

Food was great. The date itself was… good?

We enjoy each other’s company, laugh a lot, mentioned more dates. We started talking about what we want in life,  which is expected. Now she’s older than I… I’m 42 she’s 48. She’s divorced, no kids.

She asked me if I wanted kids.  I said yes, and she started saying that I should date a 30 year old woman. Not that she was saying that she and I should stop dating, it was more like she was just throwing it out there, almost theoretically about someone else.

She said she’s not having kids, which I don’t blame her, at her age they’re are some serious concerns. And she’s not crazy about adopting either.

The age difference/kid factor was the white elephant thst needed addressing at some point.

I’m 42 and very single, never married so obviously long term relationships have always been a challenge for me.  It’s embarrassing to say but hey there’s no denying it. I could write a whole entry on why, and I might or might not, may be a little more personal than I care to blog about.

So having someone to partner with in life has been hard enough, but oh yeah, there’s creating other people and pitching in on propagating the species.

I’ve actually broken up with someone due to age/kids once and she was completely understanding.

Actually twice. The other was younger but she was just against children, having them and pretty much their existence in general.

Or do I say fuck it at this point and forego even the idea of having kids?  Eventually if a long term partnership is to happen, one has to settle eventually. A friend says that we’re not necessarily looking for Mr/Miss Right, but Right Enough. Nobody’s perfect. And my desire to “never settle for less than the best” is probably what got me here in the first place. Part of it anyway. There are definitely other factors.

But I’m getting WAAAAAY ahead of myself. There’s more to this story and our situation.

We started talking to the two stunning women at the next table. Turns out they were dancers and were on Dancing with the Stars at some point. We spoke for term minutes or so. They were nice and fun.



After dinner we still wanted to hang out more, so we went to a bar had a couple drinks until a band came on. I love cover bands and they played some great songs, mostly from the 90s. I love 90s rock.

DANCE FLOOR TIME!! and I’m not one to shy away. I even did a little of my signature faux swing dancing which always goes over well. Plus always a great opportunity to explore touching more, she liked my arms, I her very taught mid-section. An occasional quick kiss here and there. She doesn’t like PDA’s and I get that.

BUUUUUUUUUT I walked her home and there was NO goodbye kiss, she claimed it was still public, outside her door at 2am. I mean an extended “make out” kiss. The magic of our first kiss on New Year’s Day is fading and now that I think about it, dates 2 and 3 were vacant of anything passionate although there was much cuteness, holding,  light “petting” and a few pecks.

And she wasn’t inviting me inside either, even for just some making out in privacy (and warmth) saying she didn’t feel right. Not comfortable.

I’m not saying I need sex ASAP (ok to be clear I WANT to, who are we kidding?) But I can wait a bit as something builds.

Seems like a relationship of convenience and company but nothing else.

I’m going to hang out with her and also pursue options, but to be honest “I’m unemployed at the moment” isn’t the greatest pick-up line.


(And sorry so long,  if you made it to the end)


  1. Aaah Rex, I’m ruthless, if something like the kids/no kids things comes up and you’re sure it’s a deal-breaker I would move on to the next victim, (but that might be why I’m single and eternally dating). Also we all need some passion…date 4? I think the old magic 8 ball got it right this time!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If you want kids, you should have them one way or another. I’ve had this conversation but from the opposite end many times lately. I have one kid, and I love him to bits, but I’m not having any more…period. I keep hearing, “but what if you meet someone who wants a kid?” Then they aren’t for me, that’s what. Both people need to want to have a kid, and especially the one whose body the kid has to do terrible things to for 40 weeks. For me, I’m upfront about it and totally understanding if that is a dealbreaker for them. I think exploring other options is a good idea for you…on date four I think there should be a little more action. Do you think she has a secret penis? (Kidding…kind of.)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hmmm… I say enjoy her for the company. Sounds like she’s fun but a guarded person. Probably with good reason. Who knows what she’s been through. Either way, keep an open eye out for whatever else pops up.
    Don’t give up on your idea for kids. Men (and I don’t mean this in a catty way at all) have the good fortune of being able to start families in their 40s or 50s and it’s not strange at all. I think once you have the job aspect of your life firmed up, everything else will fall in place.
    Anyway, at least you got to dance and show off those moves! 😉


  4. I’m a bit sad Rex. The kids thing is a HUGE deal. Do not settle for anything you don’t feel it’s right before sooner or later, you’ll regret it.
    She’s a nice person but now she knows she can’t give you what you want. Sorry :*

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s