Relationships, Uncategorized

Back together

Yes, Mona and I have done a ton of negotiating and have decided to work on us,  that the relationship is greater than our personal faults.

We’re not perfect people but we are just fantastic together so we’re back and better than ever. 

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Food, Money

Welcome back, pasta (and store-bought sauce can be decent too)

So my grandparents were off the boat Italians. My parents’ first language was Italian. So me, I grew up in some old traditions. Most famously… pasta on Sundays, though back then we called it “macaroni.”

Over the years I’ve learned how to make my own sauce and even homemade pasta (I’ve blogged about it and from that blog, gave my recipe to a fellow blogger and she made my pasta… in Germany, no less.)

In recent years, of course, complex carbs in large amounts became persona non grata for anyone who wanted to stay slender. So I really haven’t made any pasta regularly in a long, long time. 

Buuuuuut, nowadays I’m trying to cook more at home to save money. I even blogged to get more ideas of what to make. But lately I got the urge to start making pasta again. 

Now let’s not go crazy. I’m not making  the homemade pasta quite yet, but I have no qualms about buying pasta.  The frozen kind can be awesome, but they’re usually expensive. My favorite non-frozens are the spirals: long spiral is fusilli, short spiral is rotelle.

But, truth be told, because I don’t have a whole lot of time these days… I’m committing the biggest cardinal sin: 

Using store bought sauce! (CUE DRAMATIC ORGAN MUSIC) They’ve gotten a lot better than when I was kid, but still. This week, I even used the Newman’s Own brand.

I know,  I know… DESGRAZIADO!

Hold on… I can’t just eat it like that, plus I need some protein. So I sautee some garlic, add fresh basil, salt, pepper and brown some ground turkey and make a meat sauce. (Way too much garlic, actually. My apartment reeks of it now, which is still kind of enjoyable, though.)

(Ok ok… My grandparents called it “gravy” and I think by definition it becomes “a gravy” when meat is added in one way or another. But yes, I know, when people think “gravy” they think of the liquid one puts over meat… So ok,  “meat sauce” it is.)

Then I make my fusilli nice and al dente and VOILA!

Ok, since I’ve started making pasta again  I’ve gone off the deep end. I make sauce in bulk so I have 4 meals out of it. In a week. And I’m in week 3 now. Now I can stand gaining a little weight if I save money, but don’t want to gain too much. I’m going to have to monitor closely.

But trust me… part of me is VEEEEEEEERRY happy : )

Success

Building Self Esteem through Esteemable Acts: Flossing, making my own breakfast and kicking but at work

So I’ve been mentally up and down lately. I’ve always struggled self esteem-wise.  Maybe not always, but a lot. 

Now I’ve looked into “reprogramming my brain” by using the law of attraction, visualizing, meditation, affirmations… anything to get good thoughts/ vibes/ etc into my mind and build that new muscle. But you know what also works? 

KEEPING MY FUCKING WORD.

A man I know likes saying that esteem comes from doing esteemable acts. Granted, I don’t have to save people from a burning building. I just have to not flake on the things I need to do and do them consistently. 

ie:

My teeth are ok. I mean I’ve had tons of fillings in my day but since they’ve been removed and replaced with porcelain fillings (is the white stuff porcelain?) They look great. But, I’ve never consistently flossed. Oh a month straight here, a few weeks off, a month there, a few months off,  etc. 

As now I’m back on a flossing kick. And being in action in a way that I want to feels good. 

I also have spent $5 a day for breakfast- bagel, coffee. However, when I cook oatmeal I save money and feel good about myself. 

And most importantly… at work. I took on an important project crunching my department’s numbers every month for the Monthly Business Review. I trained on how to do it, pull reports from Salesforce and paste and format into Excel. It’s not rocket science but very important and the timing is very important – needs to be done ASAP in the new month.

And my boss and his boss were concerned, not because of me but just because it’s timely. So I wanted to make sure to rock this project. 

And today I finished it a day early. BOOYAH!!!!!! That’s how Rex does it!

Yeah, I feel good about myself.

Money, Relationships, Uncategorized

Do you know how much money your spouse makes? 

So when dating Mona,  we talked money. We had to when it became known that I was not well off and was irresponsibly burning through savings. 

Very open as to what the other made.  Especially me. She has her own business with a part in cash so I now suspect the very even, rounded number that she gave is a lie. But me, I’m salaried. So $x=$x.

But I was talking to my cousin Paul about money. Not how much he makes, its none of my business, but if he knows how much his wife, Becky, makes and vice versa. I would think so…

HOWEVER… he said he does not and she does not. They are very financially separate, even in knowing the others incomes.

I realize that many married couples still keep separate books, but is that common among married couples to not even know how the other is doing, as long as they are covering the expenses they’re responsible for? I would think secrecy like that in a marriage would be detrimental, no? 

Relationships, Uncategorized

Well, we finally broke up

I know, I know… many of my blog friends weren’t fond of my now-ex-gf Mona- my blogs about her were always about the bad stuff, not the good stuff.

Last night, she texted that she was feeling overwhelmed so we go on the phone. Her schedule has her work late 3 days a week and she can’t monitor the kids homework, doing all the stuff that she and her ex did together she now has to do alone. She’s having a hard time. I get that. 

And… the call with her came in the middle of me working late. After 23 minutes, it sounded like she was was settling a bit, it was already past 11pm, so I thought that was a good opportunity to let her go and let me get back to work. 

She lost it. Then I reacted and got angry that she got angry and she hung up. 

She was mad today, we texted a bunch and she wanted to talk tonight. 

Tonight we spoke. Not really about last night, but about how things haven’t been great for some time. Of course all my faults. It’s still me and my career not being where she’d like it to be so she wouldn’t feel like a sugar mama.

She also doesn’t see me helping in the house, cleaning up after meals, taking the kids places. This is because I pretty much keep a dirty apartment when I’m on my own. 

She requested we take “a break.” I said it’s no use,  because things won’t change enough, fast enough to make a difference, so taking a break is like kicking the can down the road. 

That took her back. She wasn’t prepared for a permanent break up. 

(Sigh)

Since then, she texted with a “refuse to give up on each other” meme, shocked that I’m not fighting for her. What does that look like?  Saying I’ll be the man she wants me to be? That means she doesn’t love me NOW.

I get it, we put in 2 and 1/2 years. There were lots of great times. Hard to throw away an investment. 

Butt honestly, I’m done with her drama. Enough is enough. I’m spent. 

movies, Relationships, Uncategorized

I can’t afford a relationship

Backstory, I’m on a budget. An actual one. I have $x for rent, $y for credit card bills,  $z for spending on gf activities etc.

And lately, it’s been tested, bent and broken. 

Two weeks ago, Oct 7, Mona wanted to go out with her friend as a couple. She also had play tickets for this past weekend, Oct 21, with a friend but wanted to meet up with me and other friends for a dinner afterwards. One that I would pay for (for our share) . 

Now, if the dinner with the friends Oct 7 was going to be expensive, then the dinner on Oct 21 woundn’t’ve been possible $-wise.

As Oct 7 approached, we tried to target a “casual” (see “cheaper”) restaurant and made a reservation but the day of that all went down the crapper because Mona and her friend didn’t think it was a nice enough place. Ultimately, we would up at a hibachi-sushi place. Mona and I decided that my November spending was going to be lite due to my birthday and I could transfer funds to October. So we proceeded. 

Her friends do well and didn’t hold back ordering, why would they? And had some alcohol too.

The bill came and…  they decided to pick up the whole check, appreciative that we’d go east out east in Long Island.

Ok, swallow my pride, accept it. But now I have enough for dinner on Oct 21 after meet Mona and friend after they see a play. 

However, Oct 20th arrives and the friend who had the other ticket was really sick and couldn’t go.  And Mona wouldn’t go alone and didn’t want her friend to waste her money. So Mona bought her ticket and took me instead. Hello Dolly! with Bette Midler. Wasn’t crazy about the story but the acting, singing, songs were top notch. David Hyde Pierce  (Niles from the TV show “Frasier”) was in it too.

I can’t afford it, but I’ll take it as a gift in a pinch. 

But that created more drama. 

We had lunch in Manhattan first.  I told Mona to pay for that and I’d cover the LIRR train ticket.  That meant I had to borrow a little from November but not much. I wasn’t comfortable borrowing any more from November.

Lunch was great. We go into CVS for some toiletries. My Mona budget is done at that point, so I ask Mona to pay for her share. 

And she loses it. 

She paid probably $150 for the ticket. I didn’t have to pay her back but I couldn’t lay out $15 for lotion and floss, regardless of where it came from?

Yes, of course I could but in the moment I was trying to honor my budget, thought she’d appreciate that. Plus my brain was fried from all this budget talk about what I had and didn’t. Plus, just the fact that it was toiletries threw me off. Seemed like an odd thing to treat my gf too. Me overanalyzing again.

So there we were, arguing as we walked through Times Square. Yes, the Naked Cowboy is now well aware that I’m on a budget. She was crying too. A textbook shitshow.

We got over it for the rest of the day, the play and dinner were great… but I think this’ll break us. My money situation isn’t changing fast enough to move us forward and she doesn’t know how to deal except put more pressure on me.

I’ve been applying and interviewing but I’m starting to get numb. 

That’s not good.

Relationships, Uncategorized

We started farting in front of each other. No turning back now. 

So Mona had a slight stomach bug this weekend, and yes, it gave her more gas than normal, and she couldn’t hold back. 

Granted, she wasn’t waving it in my direction, smiling in anticipation. Not yet, anyway. She still walked away but occasionally, hey, it’s kind of unavoidable. People have gas.

We’re practically at 2 and 1/2 years and it’s finally out of the bag. And throw in some conversation about bowel movements too. Nothing too graphic, but we joke that it will GET graphic.

The way Mona talks, it’s such a relief to get this out of the bag. Like she has a nuclear reactor in her trunk and now she can lay waste to the area. 

Hopefully it won’t get like that. There were a lot of Dutch Oven references, but nothing so bad so far.

I’m used to fart humor with the guys and family, but I never have with a woman was in a relationship with. In a way, it’s a huge step. It’s also a way different side of non- related women than I’ve ever seen first hand. I suppose it had to happen eventually. We’re all human. 

And of course, it’s not like the smell of flowers emanates from MY lower region, I got game as well. Truth be told, whenever I see her I take at least one Gas X tablet to keep my toxicity in check. I think still will. 

Anyway, I’m sure you really wanted to read about that. Enjoy!